RickB
Yoda
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<span style="font-weight: bold">Common Tools</span>
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<span style="font-weight: bold">DRILL PRESS:</span> A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
<span style="font-weight: bold">WIRE WHEEL:</span> Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh sh! #..."
<span style="font-weight: bold">SKILL SAW:</span> A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
<span style="font-weight: bold">PLIERS:</span> Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
<span style="font-weight: bold">BELT SANDER:</span> An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
<span style="font-weight: bold">HACKSAW:</span> One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
<span style="font-weight: bold">VISE-GRIPS:</span> Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
<span style="font-weight: bold">WELDING GLOVES:</span> Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
<span style="font-weight: bold">OXYACETYLENE TORCH:</span> Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
<span style="font-weight: bold">TABLE SAW:</span> A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. Also used to perform surgery for the rapid removal of un-needed digits.
<span style="font-weight: bold">E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:</span> A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
<span style="font-weight: bold">BAND SAW:</span> A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
<span style="font-weight: bold">TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:</span> A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
<span style="font-weight: bold">CRAFTSMAN * x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER:</span> A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
<span style="font-weight: bold">PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:</span> Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
<span style="font-weight: bold">STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:</span> A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
<span style="font-weight: bold">PRY BAR:</span> A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
<span style="font-weight: bold">HOSE CUTTER:</span> A tool used to make hoses too short.
<span style="font-weight: bold">HAMMER:</span> Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
<span style="font-weight: bold">DAMMIT TOOL:</span> Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'DAMMIT!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
________________________________________
<span style="font-weight: bold">DRILL PRESS:</span> A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
<span style="font-weight: bold">WIRE WHEEL:</span> Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh sh! #..."
<span style="font-weight: bold">SKILL SAW:</span> A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
<span style="font-weight: bold">PLIERS:</span> Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
<span style="font-weight: bold">BELT SANDER:</span> An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
<span style="font-weight: bold">HACKSAW:</span> One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
<span style="font-weight: bold">VISE-GRIPS:</span> Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
<span style="font-weight: bold">WELDING GLOVES:</span> Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
<span style="font-weight: bold">OXYACETYLENE TORCH:</span> Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
<span style="font-weight: bold">TABLE SAW:</span> A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. Also used to perform surgery for the rapid removal of un-needed digits.
<span style="font-weight: bold">E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:</span> A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
<span style="font-weight: bold">BAND SAW:</span> A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
<span style="font-weight: bold">TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:</span> A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
<span style="font-weight: bold">CRAFTSMAN * x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER:</span> A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
<span style="font-weight: bold">PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:</span> Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
<span style="font-weight: bold">STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:</span> A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
<span style="font-weight: bold">PRY BAR:</span> A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
<span style="font-weight: bold">HOSE CUTTER:</span> A tool used to make hoses too short.
<span style="font-weight: bold">HAMMER:</span> Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
<span style="font-weight: bold">DAMMIT TOOL:</span> Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'DAMMIT!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.