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Okay boys, gonna need your help!

DrEntropy

Great Pumpkin
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"Chip, dent and scratch resistant!"

hmmm.... an alternative Mary Kay empire in the making?!?!
 
OP
jaybird

jaybird

Yoda
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~throws the Bentley away, keeps the Haynes~

The Haynes has pictures. Lots of them, and exploded ones. Clear, consise instructions. This is going to be easy.
 
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"This is going to be easy."

Oh great! Now you've done it. You've jinxed yourself. Now you will probably have to pull the engine!
 
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jaybird

jaybird

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THAT I might need help with!
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
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[ QUOTE ]
~throws the Bentley away, keeps the Haynes~

The Haynes has pictures. Lots of them, and exploded ones. Clear, consise instructions. This is going to be easy.

[/ QUOTE ]

Just to help, a guide to Haynes manuals that I stole somewhere:

How To Read A Haynes Manual

Haynes: Rotate counter-clockwise.
Translation: Clamp with vice-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer counter-clockwise.

Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: Clamp with vice-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Clamp with vice-grips then beat repeatedly with a hammer.

Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start. Now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.

Haynes: Pry off
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...

Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a can of WD40 (giant economy size).

Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: PINGGGG - "Where the heck did that go?".

Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the socket part (and maybe a piece of glass or two).

Haynes: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then clamp with vice-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: Weekly checks...
Translation: if it isn't broken don't fix it.

Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken, it's about to be. We warned.

Haynes: One Difficulty rating…
Translation: An infant could do this... so how did you manage to **** it up?

Haynes: Two Difficulty rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, teensy weensy number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more useful to you).

Haynes: Three Difficulty rating.
Translation: Make sure you won't need your car for a couple of days.

Haynes: Four Difficulty rating.
Translation: You're not seriously considering this are you?

Haynes: Five Difficulty rating.
Translation: OK - but don't ever carry your loved ones in it again.

Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Haynes: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on it, throw it at the garage wall, then find some vice-grips and a hammer...

Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"

Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to suffer deep abrasions.

Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.

Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.

Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.

Haynes: Pry away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Break off...

Haynes: Using a pin punch...
Translation: Clamp with vice-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: Everyday toolkit
Translation: AAA Card & Mobile Phone

Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Unless you have a blast furnace, don't bother. Alternatively, clamp with vice-grips then beat repeatedly with hammer.



and my favorite one:

Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: Yeah, right. But you swear in different places.


Have fun with it.... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yesnod.gif
 

KLUTZ

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I would hate to see the way my Hiltons MG repair manual is described then.

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif
 

tony barnhill

Great Pumpkin - R.I.P
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To each his own: to me Haynes is a piece of excrement!

But then, I wouldn't/don't use RTV or any other type sealant either.
 

ccougill

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I use RTV, just not on cars. And I have a Haynes for comic relief.
 
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jaybird

jaybird

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Haynes has pictures. I'm a visual person, I need to see. Bentley is most likely the preferred manual for normal, wrenching men, but I need the pictures from Haynes because I'm a stoopeed woomun.

I'll have the antifreeze drained in a bit and it almost looks as if I unbolt the radiator, I can just 'lean' it forward and I'll have enough room to remove the fan and then switch out the pumps, not sure yet.
 

tony barnhill

Great Pumpkin - R.I.P
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Pull the radiator! Once you've removed the hoses & bolts & you "lean" it, it slips right out.
 
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jaybird

jaybird

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I can't get the bloody hose off. I've been out there 30 minutes. I've used a screwdriver, I've used 2 screwdrivers, it won't slip off the neck of the radiator down at the bottom.

DO NOT make any references to Keenan...
 

R6MGS

Yoda
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time for a great big utility knife....and a MOSS order for a new hose.
 

tony barnhill

Great Pumpkin - R.I.P
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So, you've gingerly slid the screwdriver up under the hose all around its circumference? Don't pry against the radiator neck - it'll break...but, do try to slip the screwdriver down inside between the hose & neck

& if that fails, cut the hose off & buy a new one.
 
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jaybird

jaybird

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I'm a step ahead of you. We just put this pump on in December, hose too, but I'm going to go hack it off.
 

R6MGS

Yoda
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[ QUOTE ]
James, your "Haynes Guide" is priceless, albeit optimistic,
and should be saved.
Jeff /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/iagree.gif

At least deserves a thread in the humor section /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cheers.gif
 
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jaybird

jaybird

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I worked the screwdriver all the way around the neck of the rad. Hose is on the neck at least an inch - inch and a half. It's now dripping from the top end of the hose because I loosened both clamps, thinking this was going to be easy. At the current rate of drippage, I should be able to finish up about May 17th.
 
R

Randi

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Janel start with the picture then read the jibbet and see if it makes sense.Then write down what you do IN YOUR OWN STYLE AND add any little tidbits that might come into play putting all of it back together. Also keep all small and easily misplace fittings etc in cental location deep enough to hold all and heavy enough not to tip over. Do not put it where you might kick it even if it is more convienent- gentlemen this is the approach she needs for you to walk her through this-She will be fine but it's the small catastrophys that are unnerving OK- Randi
 
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