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Pretty Please - add it to our Events forum(s) and add to the calendar! >> 
kyreb1862
Jedi Knight
Offline
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading-they get better!!!
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with
me, and
I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
________________________________
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto
your uppe r thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of
a spider.
________________________________
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he de posits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball
of string on the counter.
She says, confused, ' Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?
He answers, ' You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the
store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back wi th a tin of
tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much
cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
________________________________
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted
to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
________________________________
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
________________________________
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me
stupid so I would be attracted to you !
________________________________
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we
don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you
should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do i t, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at
the top of several pages, that it indeed says .. 'HEBREWS'
________________________________
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to
wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he
knew
she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading-they get better!!!
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with
me, and
I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
________________________________
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto
your uppe r thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of
a spider.
________________________________
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he de posits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball
of string on the counter.
She says, confused, ' Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?
He answers, ' You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the
store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back wi th a tin of
tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much
cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
________________________________
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted
to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
________________________________
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
________________________________
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me
stupid so I would be attracted to you !
________________________________
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we
don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you
should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do i t, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at
the top of several pages, that it indeed says .. 'HEBREWS'
________________________________
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to
wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he
knew
she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.