Why I can't shop at Wal-Mart anymore.....

[terriphill]

Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at WalMart for my dogs Shadow and Lady.

I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think, that I had an elephant?

Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that No, I didn't have a dog - that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time.
On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)

Horrified, She asked : "Did you end up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned you?"

I said: No not at all; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my a** and a car hit me.

The guy behind her was laughing so hard, I thought he was going to have a heart attack!

WALMART won't let me shop there anymore.

 

[mailbox]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Here's your sign!!

 

[JPSmit]

Three couples go to the pastor to enquire about joining the church. Pastor explains that to show that they are serious they need to abstain from sex for three months before they can join.

After three months, first couple comes back and pastor asks how it went. "Well, says they, we won't pretend it was easy, we were tempted and we could think of little else, but, we took long walks and cold showers and here we are." "That's great says the pastor, you can join the church."

Second couple, same question. "well says the husband it was harder than we thought. when you're told you can't, it's all you want to do. But, we prayed and focused on the goal and took cold showers and, well, we made it."

"That's great says the pastor. You can join the church."

Third couple, how did it go? "Well says the man, it was terrible. The first month was he**, all I could do was think of sex, it just wouldn't go away. and if the first month was bad, the second was worse. it was all I could think about and I couldn't stop. cold shoers didn't work and long walks didn't work. it was like everything reminded me of it, every item of clothes reminded me of it, I just couldn't stop. then, one day in the third month, my wife dropped a can of peas, bent over to pick it up and that was it, it was all over."

"I'm sorry to hear that says the pastor, I guess you can't join my church."

"That's OK, says the man, "we can't go back to Wal-Mart either.

 

[JamesWilson]

...I was starting the Purina Diet again....

Could be worse... you might have become a vegetarian....