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White Men Can't Jump & Brits Can't Swim!

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Tinster

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Most Brits can't swim and don't like boating-Know facts.

As many know, The Crypt Car was about to be hauled off to "the crusher" at the end of January as the $30K repair/storation cap was closing in fast and the car was nowhere near operational.

Dale switched gears and purchased a new 18' bright red Mako tarpon boat.

These boats are like the Ferraris of the sport fishing world. Six weeks spent having the boat customized, etc and Sunday I take my Brit wife Wendy out for her first harbour cruise. (get her used to the idea of owning a boat was my plan, je,je,je)

"Tres Gatos" is in the water, we are the dock, bow line off with Wendy holding the dock cleat while I walk the 12 feet to lay off the stern line. I hear screams from the crowd on the dock and quickly spin around.

Wendy's hands are glued on the dock cleat as the bow pushes away from the dock and stretches her like a rubber band. KERPLOOOPPP- Wendy falls overboard as folks rush to help my drowning Brit wife!

Being a good Brit, Wendy gives it a stiff upper lip and we
continue with our Harbour Cruise.

Brand new engine requires break-in with variable speeds, including full throttle. We jump up to 50+ mph and my favorite fishing cap blows off. I carve the boat into a steep 180 to get my cap..... as I hear sirens and horns behind me.

Turn my head around-Many flashing lights, horns, sirens...

"This is the United States Coast Guard! Prepare to be Boarded!"

Lordy, how have I gone afoul of the maritime laws? So I am asked if I have contraband weapons or illegal drugs aboard. I reply no and we are boarded and searched bow to stern. We also get a "Certificate of Full Safety Compliance" in the process.

In actuality, one of the young CG men wanted a close up look at the custom red Mako tarpon boat the sport fishing community has been gabbing about.

We shove off and are on our way again- right into a rain storm. So drowned rat Wendy now gets even wetter. I do a 180, punch it to outrun the storm and at 5500 rpms Wendy's beach towel goes airbone and is resting on the bottom with my cap.

The wind is kicking up, water's rough with white caps, Wendy's drenched so we head back in. but.....

OOPPS! A boater with a dead engine is adrift and requests our help with a tow. The laws mandate I render an immediate assist.

So now I have a very unhappy Brit wife, I'm towing another boat in heavy wind and the boat dock has a one hour backup!
And this is only the second time I have attempted to dock my new boat.

Finally we docked (soft crashed into it) and I got the boat on the trailer. Whew!! Back to our storage yard. Big crash as we drive along. The trailer jack has fallen off the trailer! BLARGH! Sunday afternoon- where do I get trailer parts?

Having an unreliable TR6 prepared me for the new boat. I had a massive tool kit aboard. I field stripped nut and bolts off the trailer and jury rigged the jack back on well enough to get the boat unhooked from my Jeep.

Thus ended our 2 hour Brit Harbour Tour- 10 hours after we started. Here's a very wet photo of poor drenched Wendy being a good sport.

drownedrat.jpg
 
"So, Mrs. Lincoln, other than that, how did you enjoy the play?"

Sounds like a typical outing to me, Dale! /bcforum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/wink.gif

Mickey
 
It's a BOAT!

In an LBC with a malfunction you can pull or push it to the curb and WALK home. Harder to do with a boat. Aircraft are the same. /bcforum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smirk.gif

That's all there is to it.
 
Dale,

Glad to read Wendy was OK!

Welcome to the world of boating. A hole in the water you pour money into!

I had a friend jump out of the boat as we were coming in for a landing at the dock. Two feet out he says, "I'll get the bow line." He jumps out onto the dock and with the forward inertia of the boat he keeps on a running, trips over a docking ring, and plummets head first into the water just barely missing the outdrive on the boat in front of us. We were laughing so hard we could barely keep air in. I had to ask the boat in front of us if he was still floating because we couldn't stop laughing and they just looked at us like we were absolutely crazy. Actually I'm sure Uncle Al had a lot to do with all the laughing. Finally, a pair of glasses gets tossed up onto the fore deck, a couple of seconds later I see the top of his head and he's squirting water out of his mouth onto the deck while holding on to the bow ring. Then down he go's again. We all start falling on the deck laughing all over again. After the friviolity was over we were standing in the parking lot drawing straws to see who got to take him home. It was low tide!

That was almost as funny as the time the guy with the brandy new boat took his tralior hook off the boat a little prematurely. The only problem was he was twenty feet from the water and his boat just rolled off the trailor real slick and the boat wound up sitting in the parking lot. Broke the prop and the outdrive skeg.

On any given Saturday or Sunday at the municipal boat launch ramp if you had a video camera you couldn't make this stuff up if you wanted too.
 
Oh, NOW you've done it, John!

Next there'll be posts from Dale inquiring into Don Healey's preferrred prop pitch!!!

*sheesh!*
 
Well .. let's beat 'em to to it then .. Don said,

"Prop pitch should always match the elbow to shoulder angle during pint lifts" /bcforum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/thirsty.gif /bcforum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/cheers.gif
 
Re: White Men Can't Jump & Brits Can't Swim!

All that to go out and catch fish eh? /bcforum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/eek.gif Sounds like you were better off on the rocks at Jupiter Inlet, hehe /bcforum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/cheers.gif!
 
A boat is a hole in the water to throw money in, and an LBC must be a hole in the garage......
 
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