WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS!

[DrEntropy]

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
-- Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
-- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
-- Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it! "
-- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
-- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend...If you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...If there is one."
-- Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
-- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
-- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
-- Jack E. Leonard

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
-- Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
-- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go ."
-- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...For support rather than illumination."
-- Andrew Lang

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-- Billy Wilder

 

[Mickey Richaud]

Unfortunately there is no study of the art of delivering a comeuppance offered in schools. These folks would have been A-students!

 

[BobSands]

The finest insult I remember belonged to my Father. I was just a little "shaver", when the CIA lead "Bay of Pigs" invasion was smashed by Castro.
Dad was incensed, and dashed off a telegram to President Kennedy. His diatribe listed the things we'd done wrong, and what we should have done and wound up with the following sentence: "In closing, President Kennedy, if your parents should ever decide to marry, please give me a call, I'd love to send a gift!"
He was surprised when he got audited the next year.
Take care Bob

 

[maynard]

I forgot who the parties were but:

Woman: If I were your wife, I'd poison you.

Man: If I were your husband, I'd drink it.

 

[Guest]

Churchill and Lady Astor


edit: Actually I prefer this one:

“'You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk. 'Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.”

 

[sideache]

Those were first rate!

 

[Steve]

One of my favourite Churchill put-downs was when he was referring to an opposition MP.....

"The honourable gentleman occasionally stumbles across the truth, but then he picks himself up and carries on as if nothing had happened".

He had a whole arsenal of them.

 

[DrEntropy]

The man was brilliant.


As another unremember'd 'shooter' (Oscar Wilde or Bertrand Russell???---can't recall) retorted:

A "socialite" at some party, after running her gob to annoyance declared at table: "The only word in the English language which was pronounced "SH" without an "H" following the "S" was "sugar." "

Whereupon the 'shooter' with one word proclaimed: "Sure."

 

[tony barnhill]

...& today we resort to vile vulgarities & fists!