Vocabules!

[Mickey Richaud]

For those who remember Norm Crosby and his malaprops:

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which
once again asked readers to take any word from the
dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an
indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an... well, you know!

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
which lasts until you realize it was your money to
start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid
people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The
bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for
the purpose of... well, you know.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you
are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got
extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending
off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like,
the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon : The grueling event of getting
through the day consuming only things that are good
for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to
seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit : The frantic dance performed
just after you've accidentally walked through a spider
web.

16. Beelzebug : Satan in the form of a mosquito,
that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning
and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor : The color you turn after finding
half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

There is a game called "Balderdash", where you make
up wordy definitions that others might accept as the
true meanings. The more outlandish it is, the more
people seem to vote for your "definition". Now the
Washington Post has published the winning submissions
to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to
supply alternate meanings for common words. You may
have to alter the rules of your game; read these clever
submissions:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how
much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a
flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while
drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door
when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up
someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing
adopted by proctologists.(like the unsuccessful Dr.
Coldfinger)

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation
with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death,
the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer
shorts worn by Jewish men.

 

[Guest]

There's an older one I remember:

Cogito eggo sum - I think, therefore I'm a waffle.