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Thoughts on Aging

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Basil

Basil

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Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's (bleep) anymore.


If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.


A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.


A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.


And they tell us to exercise? I don't think so. :smile:


Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:


1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.


2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.


4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.


5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.


6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?


7. It was a whole lot easier to get older than it was to get wiser.


8. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.


9. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.


10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.


11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.


12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.


13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.


14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.


15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.


16. It's not hard to meet expenses . . . They're everywhere.


17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.


18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . . I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".


19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.


20. Have I sent this message to you before...or did I get it from you?
 
The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered:

"Man.... Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived."
Click to expand...

- The 14th Dalai Lama
 
JPSmit said:
A Presbyterian Minister, an Episcopalian Priest and Doc walk into a bar..... oh, nevermind. :smile:
Click to expand...

That's nothin' to joke about, anyway! :grin:
 
Well I finally figured out what the golden years really mean.It seems that it is time to pay out the little bit of gold you aquired in all the years before
 
A gazillion years ago, comedian George Burns was a guest on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show. George told a few jokes, then walked over to "the sofa" and sat down with two beautiful blonds on either side. He continued smoking his big cigar, and during the interview kept taking sips from a small glass of "clear brown liquid".

Johnny says "George, you're over 90 years old and still entertaining. What gives you the stamina to keep up?"

George puffs on the cigar, then says "Back when I was 60, my doctor told me to give up liquor, cigars, and beautiful women."

Johnny says "But George, you've got two beautiful ladies with you, you're still smoking, and you keep taking sips from that glass you brought out with you. What does your doctor say about that?"

George: "Doc died 20 years ago."
 
While you're pondering I have only one query. "Where's my snow and garland bells/balls?"
 
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