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Thought of the Day
- Thread starter JPSmit
- Start date
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An old man driving in town accidentally rear-ends a new Porsche. The Porsche driver gets out of his car and angrily rails at the old guy, screaming he wants ten thousand dollars right then and there, or he will pound the snot out of the poor guy. Of course the elder man says he hasn’t got that kind of money on him, but he wants to call his son who trains dolphins, saying he’ll know what to do. He taps in his son’s number and as it’s connecting the Porsche driver snatches the phone from the older man’s hand and screams to the son that he wants ten thousand dollars for damage to his car right now, then threatens to beat down the old man and his dolphin trainer son, too. The voice on the phone calmly says: “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
Exactly ten minutes later, a Jeep pulls up, the son gets out and proceeds to clean the intersection with the Porsche driver, leaving him beaten to a pulp on the curb. The son then turns to his father and says: “Dad. I’ve told you before. I train SEALS. Navy SEALS. Not dolphins.”
Exactly ten minutes later, a Jeep pulls up, the son gets out and proceeds to clean the intersection with the Porsche driver, leaving him beaten to a pulp on the curb. The son then turns to his father and says: “Dad. I’ve told you before. I train SEALS. Navy SEALS. Not dolphins.”
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To those of us in the United States...On tax day, these thoughts...
In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
-Benjamin Franklin
We have a system that increasingly taxes work and subsidizes nonwork.
-Milton Friedman
The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.
-Will Rogers
In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
-Benjamin Franklin
We have a system that increasingly taxes work and subsidizes nonwork.
-Milton Friedman
The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.
-Will Rogers
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I must be very clam.
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Says a lot for LSU! It pays to advertise.
mikephillips
Yoda
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Spelling is overrated, you can always find an emoji...
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RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word or be political. It was just clean and simple fun.
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word or be political. It was just clean and simple fun.
mikephillips
Yoda
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Had I been a year further back in college, might have gotten to meet him. The school I went to each spring had a star come do a show and the year after i graduated it was Skelton. Unlike many who would show up the day of or perhaps the evening before, he for his Saturday night show arrived Wednesday morning before and spent the days wandering campus and dropping in to classrooms, dorms and groups of student walking outside. Was sorry I'd missed that when told about it by someone still a student.
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