Stories of "I Can't Be THAT Dumb"

[LAW75]

In the category of I Can't Be THAT Dumb, I thought of a great thread for us to share some of the dumbest things we have done (car related, as life would be so filled with examples that Basil would be 95 when we finish). I will start off.

So picture this. I have my '66 AH 3000 BJ8 for 8 months. In and out of the mechanics and upholstery and detail shops during those 8 months. It looks beautiful, really beautiful. I find out there is going to be a show for British cars. I register, even though my car is still in the shop.

I invite my loving 12 year old grandson (who is really into older cars) to go on a "boys trip" for the weekend with Grandpa. We will travel to the show, experience the Highlands Games at that show, sleep over in a hotel, go out to dinner and hope Grandpa's car will be voted real high on the judging scale. Just have a blast.

Car has now been in the shop for 6 weeks, getting it ready for concours. We are to leave on Friday in the am. Mechanic calls and lets me know he needs more time, but promises he will have the car ready by Friday evening. I pick up the car Friday at 6 pm. Clearly, our AM departure will now have to wait until Saturday. Wife is worried about the trip. After all, our grandson will be in the car.

I wake up at 6 am on Saturday so I can get the car ready and warmed up. HERE IT COMES>>> I turn the ignition switch to on and expect and hear the "click, click, click." Ah, the fuel pump is doing its job! But wait, the clicks, that usually last 5 or so seconds don't stop. First thing I do is look at the gas guage. It reads 1/8th of a tank. Surely it isn't that. I panic. Car stalled and will not restart. Too early to contact mechanic. So I abandon the car and take my wife's SUV.

As I am traveling, now about 9 am, I call the mechanic, hiding my outrage and anger. I tell him the car stalled in the garage and wont restart. I explained the "clicking" that never stopped. He said, in the calmest and contained voice, "How much education did you have in your prior profession? Alan, YOU ARE OUT OF GAS!" I responded, "Can't be. Gauge reads 1/8 full." He replies, "Is the car rear facing on a decline?" I said, "OH, S_ _ T." Yeah, the dummy had no gas and all I needed to do was put a gallon of gas in the tank and drive down to the gas station and presto, a car that runs (which I did on Monday).

Now, can you top that?

 

[DrEntropy]

Now, can you top that?

Well, yes:

In 1981, having taken a job with a Porsche-Audi dealership in Tampa to get out of Pittsburgh winters, we attended a birthday party for one of my new co-workers. At a point some time into the gig the "birthday boy" asked if he could drive my Elan +2 to the local "Quik-Rip" (convenience store) to get more chips 'n stuff. I immediately said no, having seen some hateful results of such things in the past (a story for another time). The other party attendees voiced their objection to my refusal, and being "the new guy" they finally basically intimidated me into acquiescence. But with the condition I'd ride as co-pilot. The guy got in, started the car and immediately put his boot into it. Dirt road, too fast and me telling him to slow down and take his foot out of the loud pedal. Twice. Within less than 100 yards of travel he lost control and took the front-end of my car off by sliding sideways into a tree... to add insult, after I'd taken the car back home and begun to graft the nose back onto it, he and a couple others came by with a six-pack and thought they'd somehow made up for the stupidity. I chalked it up to mostly MY stupidity for giving in to what I knew never to do.

They ran away as I threw several of those beer bottles at them and their truck. I stayed at that job for thirty-six weeks. Just long enough time to deduct moving expenses from my income tax that year. And if that guy ever crosses my path again, well... he'd better be accompanied.

 

[NutmegCT]

How 'bout this ...

New (to me) 1953 MGTD. Fuel tank full of crud, as are the lines and pump.

Drain tank and lines, clean tank, lines, and pump filter. Carefully reassemble. Double check reassembly.

Ignition on - click click never stops.

Check tank connection, lines, pump, filter, etc. No problems found. Must be a big clog somewhere.

Remove fuel line, run "pipe cleaner" through - nothing found.

Reassemble, ignition on, click click never stops.

What did I forget?

 

[LarryK]

Run pipe cleaner through and found nothing? Old guy forgot gas.

 

[LarryK]

Pulled XJ6 in garage to tune. Put long screwdriver in #1 cylinder to get perfect TDC. Hit starter button, broke screwdriver in cylinder. Luckily got all out with magnet. Then after tune car not start. Forgot nylon washer under points to prevent distrubutor grounding. In my 20s then. More later.

 

[LAW75]

How 'bout this ...

New (to me) 1953 MGTD. Fuel tank full of crud, as are the lines and pump.

Drain tank and lines, clean tank, lines, and pump filter. Carefully reassemble. Double check reassembly.

Ignition on - click click never stops.

Check tank connection, lines, pump, filter, etc. No problems found. Must be a big clog somewhere.

Remove fuel line, run "pipe cleaner" through - nothing found.

Reassemble, ignition on, click click never stops.

What did I forget?

This is funny! Join the "no gas" gang.

 

[LAW75]

Pulled XJ6 in garage to tune. Put long screwdriver in #1 cylinder to get perfect TDC. Hit starter button, broke screwdriver in cylinder. Luckily got all out with magnet. Then after tune car not start. Forgot nylon washer under points to prevent distrubutor grounding. In my 20s then. More later.

These stories truly making me laugh. Great "smiles" events!

 

[roscoe]

Although this wasn't an issue with the Healey it was so dumb it still makes me laugh /cry. We have an older cargo Dodge Caravan we use as a ranch vehicle and it doesn't get used very much. Pulled the hood ( bonnet) release to simply check the oil. Cable failed, hood no open. OK, maybe a failure at the latch under lip of hood. Took apart lower covers on dashbord, grill, front valence, fender well liner etc., etc, over several hours to get to said latch. I even took apart the handle and attaching bracket that started the whole cascade. Wife shows up wondering what happened to me, asks if she can help. I grumble probably not, for all the stupid reasons. I was close to being able to at least see the latch so I had put the handle and bracket back on and asked her to pull the hood release while I observed from the front of the car and lo and behold the hood pops opened. Hmmm, what the...... I say what did you do and her reply was....wait for it....."Well, I pulled the hood release". Not only had I been pulling and working on the parking brake release handle which is 6 inches above where the hood release is, I never once looked at the symbol on the handle whch clearly shows brakes as opposed to the diagram of a hood popping opened on the other handle. I just was too ripe for expecting to spend my morning doing something that was not planned and was looking for a fresh PITA, which I certainly found. Put it all together and forgot to check the oil.

 

[NutmegCT]

parking brake vs hood release, then forgot to check the oil - wow.

We have a winnah!

 

[roscoe]

parking brake vs hood release, then forgot to check the oil - wow.

We have a winnah!

I certainly don't mind standing on the podium but my guess is that if folks are honest, this isn't nearly over. The only people who don't do embarassing things are people who pretty much don't do anything.

 

[roscoe]

In an effort to take multiple slots on the podium here is another one, also not with the Healey. One day while on an ice cream run when it was about 105 degrees here, I inadvertantly shoved the key from my wife's car into the ignition switch of my car AND managed to turn it at least half way, where it jammed and would not turn in either direction or be extracted. I called home, had my wife bring my travel tool kit and did everything I could to get the key out without breaking it off. Sweating profusely, steering column half disassembled, using some really unpleasant language and having no luck, I was getting close to calling for a tow. My wife softly suggested I spray some WD40 in it....maybe that would help. We bickered a bit as I knew that would be no help, but acquiesced so we could move on to the next idea. You guessed it; one squirt of the lubricant and the key smoothly turned and came out. Fortunately, I was smart enough to ask the grocer if I could put the ice cream back in the freezer while I went through all this. So maybe this is only worthy of second place.

 

[LAW75]

Although this wasn't an issue with the Healey it was so dumb it still makes me laugh /cry. We have an older cargo Dodge Caravan we use as a ranch vehicle and it doesn't get used very much. Pulled the hood ( bonnet) release to simply check the oil. Cable failed, hood no open. OK, maybe a failure at the latch under lip of hood. Took apart lower covers on dashbord, grill, front valence, fender well liner etc., etc, over several hours to get to said latch. I even took apart the handle and attaching bracket that started the whole cascade. Wife shows up wondering what happened to me, asks if she can help. I grumble probably not, for all the stupid reasons. I was close to being able to at least see the latch so I had put the handle and bracket back on and asked her to pull the hood release while I observed from the front of the car and lo and behold the hood pops opened. Hmmm, what the...... I say what did you do and her reply was....wait for it....."Well, I pulled the hood release". Not only had I been pulling and working on the parking brake release handle which is 6 inches above where the hood release is, I never once looked at the symbol on the handle whch clearly shows brakes as opposed to the diagram of a hood popping opened on the other handle. I just was too ripe for expecting to spend my morning doing something that was not planned and was looking for a fresh PITA, which I certainly found. Put it all together and forgot to check the oil.

Oh my!! This is a great one as we all know how our wives can always solve our problems with a very simple solution...like, "look at the sign, dummy"

 

[LAW75]

parking brake vs hood release, then forgot to check the oil - wow.

We have a winnah!

Yeah. This is like my wife always says that if what I am looking for is behind the milk, I will never find it. It has gotten to the point that I accuse her of intentionally moving things around, just before I start to look for it.

 

[Bob_Spidell]

This one isn't funny, but it's scary. My dad's garage has an old-school grease pit which, of course, I use to change the oil in my vehicles. Healeys will just barely straddle the pit, with a couple inches on each tire if it's on perfectly straight, with a recessed part for a wooden plank cover. One time I didn't get the car on perfectly, and/or I got a little crooked backing out, and my car started to drop sideways into the pit. This would have either a) taken my head off or b) squashed me in the car at the bottom of the pit or c) both. As luck would have it, both knockoffs on the right side of the car caught the edge of the concrete pit, leaving me suspended on two wheels and two knockoffs at about a 30-degree angle. I managed to extricate myself from the car and ran in near-hysteria to tell my dad, who calmly assessed the situation, hooked-up our 3-point hitch to a tractor and lifted the car enough by the knockoff hubs for me to back it out.

Every time I think of this 'adventure,' I think what an ignominious way to die, right up there with the guy that gets squashed under his car because he didn't use good jackstands.

 

[LAW75]

FULL DISCLOSURE>>> So, I am reading all the posts to my wife this morning. We are laughing up a storm. HOWEVER, when she read my post (the first, above), she asked: Why did you not tell the ENTIRE story??? So, to maintain marital bliss, I now confess. After re-reading my post, let me tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...When I was going to pick up my car from the mechanic that Friday evening, on the way out of the house, my wife said: "Why dont you get gas for your car before you get home?" My response (as my wife reminds me whenever I tell the story) was, in a very know-it-all tone, "Why do you question me? I know my car. I am the tech person in the family. Dont you think I would know if I have enough gas??" Now you know the rest of the story.
My wife sees an obvious pattern in most of the posts...it is the wife that saves the day. We will just have to live with being second class.

 

[NutmegCT]

Husbands are second class - that's what SWMBO requires!

 

[nevets]

This one is pretty embarrassing. I was just 17 and proud owner of my first car, a Bugeye Sprite. I knew next to nothing about car mechanics. Several weeks after getting my Sprite, the gas gauge stopped working and was informed that it was probably due to a blown fuse. At around the same time, my oil pressure gauge started to read zero, so I just assumed it was also because of the blown fuse. But of course, it wasn't. The engine was ruined, and so began my expensive education in automotive technology.

 

[LarryK]

I had rotated the tires and change d oil in my wife's 96 LR Discovery. We then left to go to the big town. One the way back I had such a vibration through the steering wheel. Got home and had lost half of the lug nuts. Got in another car and headed back to where we were and found all of them. First was in our town and the second half way to where we went, next on a curve and another on the way back. LR lugnuts are twice the size of most cars. Now I tape the driver's window to remind me to torque the lug nuts before picking up tools. In my 40s then.

 

[tinkerer]

I blew a fuse for a cigarette lighter with no new glass fuses on hand. Thought it was just an overload and could make do with an 8D nail as a substitute. Learned my lesson with a wiring harness melted together. Never let a teenage boy touch your car. Mistakes like this taught me to repair things the way they were designed and only make changes if you fully understand why you want/need it changed.

 

[John Turney]

One of the advantages of advanced age is forgetting most of the dumb things one did.

I do remember driving to school on a freeway in my new '70 Duster 340 at 135 mph. That's when I discovered that the OE Goodyears were not meant for those speeds. Fortunately, I was able to keep the shinny side up, replace the tire and make in to school on time.