Trust me Mark, I'm better than no one! Forgiveness is an issue that I struggle with on a daily and often hourly basis. In fact, the more I understand about forgiveness, the more I realize what a courageous act it really is. To your point though I think we really don't understand forgiveness. We see "fallen" TV evangelists who say, "you have to forgive me." well, no, actually we don't because you haven't repented. we see people struggling to forgive people who have never asked for forgiveness. We believe that forgiving or for that matter turning the other cheek makes us fools or patsies. In fact the opposite is true. Jesus was not a fool, nor was he taken for one, nor did he suffer fools. In Matthew 10:16, Jesus says, "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." It's the shrewd and innocent that we struggle with and each comes to a different circumstance. So, do I lock my garage? - yes! do I call the police? - yes! If one of these guys came back after a vacation in club fed and asked for a job guarding inventory, would I give it to them - probably not without real evidence he had changed.
Forgiveness then, is part of a larger relationship. It involves repentance on the part of the one who has sinned, it involves a change of heart on the part of the perpetrator and a request for forgiveness. And, then it requires the courage of the one sinned against to have the grace to no longer hold it against that person.
And, notwithstanding everything I just wrote in the previous paragraph, sometimes we have to forgive so that we can let go of whatever happened and get on with our lives. I know too many people who nurse hurts and pains and never let them go. Sadly when that happens we are still controlled by that event. Sometimes we have to forgive for our sake not theirs.
Every time I have ever preached on forgiveness I have had in the congregation someone who was in a Japanese prison camp - I can't even begin to speculate on the issues around forgiveness in that kind of history. And, while I can't just say "well, that's OK, there are exceptions to whom Jesus wants us to forgive" - remember the Lord's prayer, forgive as forgiven. Still, I understand and more to the point believe that God understands and helps us with what we can't do for ourselves (grace). At the same time I remember the story of the two vets who had been in a prison camp. One says, "have you forgiven your captors?" the other answers, "no, I will never forgive!" to which the first replies "then I guess you're still their prisoner." I struggle with the story and am not even sure I agree with it but, it does point out the dilemma of what this all means for our own lives.
Anyway, I appreciate your candidness and do want to make sure you know that this stuff isn't easy for anyone.
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