• Hey Guest!
    British Car Forum has been supporting enthusiasts for over 25 years by providing a great place to share our love for British cars. You can support our efforts by upgrading your membership for less than the dues of most car clubs. There are some perks with a member upgrade!
    **Upgrade Now**
    (PS: Upgraded members don't see this banner, nor will you see the Google ads that appear on the site.)
Tips
Tips

Seemed like a good idea at the time

Share this page

Basil

Basil

Administrator
Staff member
Boss
Offline
It was time to trim our new doggy's nails and I decided to use the Dremel with a medium grit drum to sand the nails down a bit (that's what they use at the local PetSmart). Well, suffice it to say that idea didn't work out so well so we resorted to the old fashioned doggy nail clippers.
 
Basil said:
It was time to trim our new doggy's nails and I decided to use the Dremel with a medium grit drum to sand the nails down a bit (that's what they use at the local PetSmart). Well, suffice it to say that idea didn't work out so well so we resorted to the old fashioned doggy nail clippers.
Click to expand...

In other news can you provide a review of wait times and the local walk in clinic? :jester:

ala:

[h=3]How to give a cat a pill:[/h]
  • Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
  • Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
  • Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
  • Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
  • Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
  • Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
  • Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
  • Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil, and blow down drinking straw.
  • Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
  • Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
  • Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
  • Call fire department to retrieve the **** cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
  • Tie the little @!!@#@#$%'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
  • Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
  • Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from **** and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
 
and just noticed this at the bottom of the page I pulled the previous joke from

[h=3]How to give a dog a pill:[/h]
  • Wrap it in cheese.
 
I've seen that before (think it might have been posted once upon time) but it still makes me laugh. (Except in #1 if you're going to be holding the pill in your right hand then you probably want to use the LEFT forefinger and thump to open the cat's mouth. Just sayin')
 
Back
Top