Hey Guest!
Hey - did you know if you click on the title of a thread it will take you to the first unread post since you last visited that thread?
but were afraid to ask: 
STOP!! Never post your email address in open forums. Bots can "harvest" your email! If you must share your email use a Private Message or use the 
smilie in place of the real @
Pretty Please - add it to our Events forum(s) and add to the calendar! >> 
[FONT="]RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE[/FONT]
[FONT="]1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.[/FONT]
[FONT="]2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.[/FONT]
[FONT="]3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.[/FONT]
[FONT="]4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.[/FONT]
[FONT="]5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.[/FONT]
[FONT="]6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.[/FONT]
[FONT="]7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."[/FONT]
[FONT="]8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.[/FONT]
[FONT="]9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".[/FONT]
[FONT="]10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.[/FONT]
[FONT="]11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.[/FONT]
[FONT="]12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.[/FONT]
[FONT="]13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, "Dust!".[/FONT]
[FONT="]1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.[/FONT]
[FONT="]2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.[/FONT]
[FONT="]3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.[/FONT]
[FONT="]4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.[/FONT]
[FONT="]5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.[/FONT]
[FONT="]6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.[/FONT]
[FONT="]7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."[/FONT]
[FONT="]8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.[/FONT]
[FONT="]9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".[/FONT]
[FONT="]10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.[/FONT]
[FONT="]11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.[/FONT]
[FONT="]12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.[/FONT]
[FONT="]13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, "Dust!".[/FONT]
