New Words

[Mickey Richaud]

The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some recent winning entries:

Coffee: (n.), a person who is coughed upon

Flabbergasted: (adj.), appalled over how much weight you've gained

Abdicate: (v.), to give up alll hope of ever having a flat stomach

Esplanade: (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk

Negligent: (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmeindedly answer the door in your nightie

Lymph: (v.), to walk with a lisp

Flatulence: (n.), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller

Balderdash: (n.), a rapidly receding hairline

Circumvent: (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts

Frisbeetarianism: (n.), the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there

Pokemon: (n.), a Jamaican proctologist

 

[tony barnhill]

Well, I'll be balderdashed!

 

[Mickey Richaud]

Like me, you already are!

And I abdicated long ago!

 

[tony barnhill]

Well, Mickey, at least you don't lymph yourself to the bathroom every morning when you first get out of bed!

 

[SilentUnicorn]

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting
laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who
doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a

serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the
fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an *******.

hehehehe

mark

 

[Ed Wynne]

Alternate definition for "Cashtration"
Failed attempt to get money from an ATM to take good looking "easy" girl out on date.

Antimillibar. The line you put on you checks so people can't add " and a million dollars"

Ed