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CDK
Jedi Trainee
Offline
This is from the Healey mail list for those who may have missed it.
> The Laws for British Sports Cars
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> LAWS THAT CANNOT BE BROKEN
>
> Most of us are familiar with the physical laws discovered by Sir Isaac
> Newton, the guy who invented gravity. He said things like, "For every
> action there is an equal and opposite reaction."
>
> Newton's laws made sense for hundreds of years, and everybody believed
> them. They believed them right up until the time when British sports
> cars were invented, when it was suddenly realized that a whole new bunch
> of laws was going to be needed.
>
> Many distinguished scientists, with names like Morris, Healey, Leyland,
> Mowog and Murphy, shook the scientific community when they published a
> new theory of mechanical behavior called "The Laws For British Sports
> Cars". Many people are not familiar with the five major laws, so they
> are listed below with a brief explanation of each.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> LAW OF PECULIAR RANDOM NOMENCLATURE
> "The name of a British sports car shall consist primarily of letters and
> numbers, with said letters and numbers chosen in random fashion so that
> the resultant vehicle name is totally devoid of any meaning." This law
> explains why British cars have spectacularly bad names, like "E-Type",
> or worse yet, "MGB-GT."
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> LAW OF CRYPTIC INSTRUCTION
> "Any book, manual, pamphlet, or text dealing with the maintenance,
> repair or restoration of a British sports car shall be written so that
> at least every fourth word will be unknown to the average reader. In the
> event that any portion of the text is understandable, the information
> contained therein shall be incorrect." Most people are familiar with
> this law. Here is an exerpt from page 132 of the MGA Shop Manual:
> "Before rebushing the lower grunnion banjos, you must remove the bonnet
> fascia and undo the A-arm nut with a #3 spanner." All attempts to
> publish an English language version of this manual have failed.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> LOVE OF HARDSHIP LAW
> "The more a British sports car malfunctions, breaks, and/or falls apart,
> the more endearing it becomes to the owner." You buy a British sports
> car. You have had it a year and a half and have replaced every item on
> the car at least twice. When the engine is started, it sounds as if
> someone has thrown a handful of ball bearings into a blender. But when
> someone offers to buy it, you are offended because "it is like part of
> the family," and besides, "it is so much fun to drive." British sports
> car owners often stare into space and smile a lot.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> LAW OF NON-FUNCTIONAL ATTRIBUTES
> "All British sports cars, regardless of condition or age, shall always
> have at least one system or subsystem of components which is entirely
> non-functional, and which cannot be repaired except on a semi-permanent
> or semi-functional basis." (Also known as the "Lucas Electrics Law".)
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> RECENTLY DISCOVERED COMPONENT FAILURE LAW
> "Any component of a British sports car which is entirely unknown to the
> owner shall function perfectly, until such time that the owner becomes
> aware of said component's existence, when it shall instantly fail." Case
> in point: The author owned a rather natty MGB for six years. He never
> knew there was such a thing as a "Gulp Valve" until he saw new ones
> offered for sale by Moss Motors. The next day, while driving to work,
> his gulp valve fell off the engine and was promptly run over by a truck.
> He bought a new one, figuring to install it himself, but after one look
> at the shop manual, he decided to have someone else install it. (See
> "Law of Cryptic Instructions", above).
>
> While driving the car to a local repair establishment, he notices that
> the MGB is performing just as well as it ever did, and that the loss of
> the mysterious Gulp Valve has not had any effect on its behavior. He
> figures this is due to the "Non-Functional Attribute Law", so he decides
> not to replace it after all.
>
> Three days later, the engine had no more oil in it and promptly seized
> into a solid mass of metal. The tow truck operator, being ignorant of
> the "Love of Hardship Law", offers to take the car off his hand for
> $100. The owner just smiled.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alex Z
'60 BN7 origional author
CDK
> The Laws for British Sports Cars
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> LAWS THAT CANNOT BE BROKEN
>
> Most of us are familiar with the physical laws discovered by Sir Isaac
> Newton, the guy who invented gravity. He said things like, "For every
> action there is an equal and opposite reaction."
>
> Newton's laws made sense for hundreds of years, and everybody believed
> them. They believed them right up until the time when British sports
> cars were invented, when it was suddenly realized that a whole new bunch
> of laws was going to be needed.
>
> Many distinguished scientists, with names like Morris, Healey, Leyland,
> Mowog and Murphy, shook the scientific community when they published a
> new theory of mechanical behavior called "The Laws For British Sports
> Cars". Many people are not familiar with the five major laws, so they
> are listed below with a brief explanation of each.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> LAW OF PECULIAR RANDOM NOMENCLATURE
> "The name of a British sports car shall consist primarily of letters and
> numbers, with said letters and numbers chosen in random fashion so that
> the resultant vehicle name is totally devoid of any meaning." This law
> explains why British cars have spectacularly bad names, like "E-Type",
> or worse yet, "MGB-GT."
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> LAW OF CRYPTIC INSTRUCTION
> "Any book, manual, pamphlet, or text dealing with the maintenance,
> repair or restoration of a British sports car shall be written so that
> at least every fourth word will be unknown to the average reader. In the
> event that any portion of the text is understandable, the information
> contained therein shall be incorrect." Most people are familiar with
> this law. Here is an exerpt from page 132 of the MGA Shop Manual:
> "Before rebushing the lower grunnion banjos, you must remove the bonnet
> fascia and undo the A-arm nut with a #3 spanner." All attempts to
> publish an English language version of this manual have failed.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> LOVE OF HARDSHIP LAW
> "The more a British sports car malfunctions, breaks, and/or falls apart,
> the more endearing it becomes to the owner." You buy a British sports
> car. You have had it a year and a half and have replaced every item on
> the car at least twice. When the engine is started, it sounds as if
> someone has thrown a handful of ball bearings into a blender. But when
> someone offers to buy it, you are offended because "it is like part of
> the family," and besides, "it is so much fun to drive." British sports
> car owners often stare into space and smile a lot.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> LAW OF NON-FUNCTIONAL ATTRIBUTES
> "All British sports cars, regardless of condition or age, shall always
> have at least one system or subsystem of components which is entirely
> non-functional, and which cannot be repaired except on a semi-permanent
> or semi-functional basis." (Also known as the "Lucas Electrics Law".)
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> RECENTLY DISCOVERED COMPONENT FAILURE LAW
> "Any component of a British sports car which is entirely unknown to the
> owner shall function perfectly, until such time that the owner becomes
> aware of said component's existence, when it shall instantly fail." Case
> in point: The author owned a rather natty MGB for six years. He never
> knew there was such a thing as a "Gulp Valve" until he saw new ones
> offered for sale by Moss Motors. The next day, while driving to work,
> his gulp valve fell off the engine and was promptly run over by a truck.
> He bought a new one, figuring to install it himself, but after one look
> at the shop manual, he decided to have someone else install it. (See
> "Law of Cryptic Instructions", above).
>
> While driving the car to a local repair establishment, he notices that
> the MGB is performing just as well as it ever did, and that the loss of
> the mysterious Gulp Valve has not had any effect on its behavior. He
> figures this is due to the "Non-Functional Attribute Law", so he decides
> not to replace it after all.
>
> Three days later, the engine had no more oil in it and promptly seized
> into a solid mass of metal. The tow truck operator, being ignorant of
> the "Love of Hardship Law", offers to take the car off his hand for
> $100. The owner just smiled.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alex Z
'60 BN7 origional author
CDK
