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Stewart

Stewart

Darth Vader
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A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:
BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP...


BUMP...


BUMP...



Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him


FASTER...


FASTER...



BUMP...




BUMP...



BUMP...


He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.



However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping





clappity-BUMP...



clappity-BUMP...



clappity-BUMP...


on his heels, the terrified man runs.


Rushing upstairs t o the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.



With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.



The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of Vicks formula 44 cough syrup!




Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...



and,




(hopefully you're really ready for this!!!)







The coffin stops!!!!
---------------------------------------


Now who wants to lower the bar
 
Charlie is walking past his neighbour's house when he sees the neighbour hammering some pieces of wood together. He asks how he's doing, and then enquires after his wife.

"I'm afraid she's really not well, she's in bed with the flu....."

Just then there is a noise, and Charlie asks, "Oh, is that 'er coughin'"

The neighbour replies, "Nah, I'm makin' a rabbit 'utch"......
 
As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most -- his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me."

All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside.

While riding in the limousine back from the cemetery, the clergyman said, "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin."

The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that."

The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
 
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