Did I read that sign right?

[maynard]

Did I read that sign right?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW



In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT



In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS





In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN



In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD



Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?



Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS



Spotted in a safari parkI sure hope so)

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR



Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR



Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.



Message on a leaflet:

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS



On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)



Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?



Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!

They put in a correction the next day.



Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Really? Ya think?

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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Now that's taking things a bit far!

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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy!

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Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works any better than a fair trial!

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War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya think?!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

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Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something!

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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge!

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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren't they fat enough?!

-----------------------------------------------

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That's what he gets for eating those beans!

---------------- ---------------------------------

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?

****************************************

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

***************************************************

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

*******************************************

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

 

[Gliderman8]

The headline I actually saw said:
“Police shoot man with steak knife”
Still trying to figure out how that’s possible.

 

[bobhustead]

I saw an AP headline a short time back that said "Helicopter crashed on last flight of day". The event was not funny, but the headline...
Bob

 

[Gliderman8]

Here’s another one I saw (I’ve posted this before)
There was a lady driving topless in LA and it caused an accident. Headline read:
“Bears 2, Rams 10”

 

[Basil]

Funny letters to the welfare office. NOTE: I remember this list printed out and being passed around when I was in the Air Force way back in the late 70's so it's an oldie but a goodie.

The following are sentences taken from actual letters received by welfare departments on applications for support:

• I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.
• I am writing the welfare department to say my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money?
• Mrs. Jones had not have any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
• I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why.
• I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.
• This is my eight child. What are you going to do about it.
• Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am living with can't eat or drink until he knows.
• I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
• In answer to your letter, I gave birth to a boy weighing ten pounds: I hope this is satisfactory.
• I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my three children; one of which is a mistake as you can see.
• My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since.
• Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
• You have changed my little boy into a girl. Will this make any difference.
• I have no children as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day.
• In accordance with your instruction, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
• I want money as quick as I can get, so I have been in bed with doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve I will have to send for another doctor.

 

[DrEntropy]

Here’s another one I saw (I’ve posted this before)
There was a lady driving topless in LA and it caused an accident. Headline read:
“Bears 2, Rams 10”

That one's much closer to the truth!