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Stewart
Darth Vader
Offline
For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However,
recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't
emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers.
The dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labs spokesperson, proves the
existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of light, and that
dark is faster than light.
The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take
for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark
right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the
greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have a
much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with all things, dark
suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer
suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is
a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice
that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark
which has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an
operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the path of the
dark flowing into the candle.
Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range. There
are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all of the
dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark
storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the
portable dark sucker can operate again.
Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass
generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker.
Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel in the solid
wick instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus
it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is also heavier
than light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets slowly
darker and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately fifty feet, you
are in total darkness.
This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the
lighter light floats to the top. The immense power of dark can be utilized
to mans advantage. We can collect the dark that has settled to the bottom
of lakes and push it through turbines, which generate electricity and help
push it to the ocean where it may be safely stored. Prior to turbines, it
was much more difficult to get dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean.
The Indians recognized this problem, and tried to solve it. When on a river
in a canoe traveling in the same direction as the flow of the dark, they
paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of dark, but when they traveled
against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly so as to help push the dark
along its way.
Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand
in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open
the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet, but since
the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.
In conclusion, Bell Labs stated that dark suckers make all our lives much
easier. So the next time you look at an electric bulb remember that it is
indeed a dark sucker.
recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't
emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers.
The dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labs spokesperson, proves the
existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of light, and that
dark is faster than light.
The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take
for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark
right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the
greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have a
much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with all things, dark
suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer
suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is
a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice
that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark
which has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an
operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the path of the
dark flowing into the candle.
Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range. There
are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all of the
dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark
storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the
portable dark sucker can operate again.
Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass
generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker.
Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel in the solid
wick instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus
it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is also heavier
than light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets slowly
darker and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately fifty feet, you
are in total darkness.
This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the
lighter light floats to the top. The immense power of dark can be utilized
to mans advantage. We can collect the dark that has settled to the bottom
of lakes and push it through turbines, which generate electricity and help
push it to the ocean where it may be safely stored. Prior to turbines, it
was much more difficult to get dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean.
The Indians recognized this problem, and tried to solve it. When on a river
in a canoe traveling in the same direction as the flow of the dark, they
paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of dark, but when they traveled
against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly so as to help push the dark
along its way.
Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand
in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open
the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet, but since
the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.
In conclusion, Bell Labs stated that dark suckers make all our lives much
easier. So the next time you look at an electric bulb remember that it is
indeed a dark sucker.
