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Found this old thing within a folder I've been saving labeled "humor"... and it seems timely in an age of high unemployment:
Dear Mr/Ms,
Thank you for your letter of (insert month and day here). After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me a job in the position you advertised in your department.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite (insert company name here) outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position in the job advertised in your department this (insert month here). I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
Sincerely,
Dear Mr/Ms,
Thank you for your letter of (insert month and day here). After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me a job in the position you advertised in your department.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite (insert company name here) outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position in the job advertised in your department this (insert month here). I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
Sincerely,