You are what you drive

[jaybird]

Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.

Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars.

Acura NSX - I'm impotent.

Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires.

Buick Park Avenue - I'm older than 34 of the 50 states.

Cadillac Eldorado - I'm a pimp.

Cadillac Seville - I'm a very good Mary Kay salesman.

Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the heck out of people.

Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette.

Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis.

Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.

Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather.

Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.

Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower.

Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.

Dodge Dakota - I've always wanted a womans pickup truck.

Ferrari Testarossa - I'm known to prematurely ejaculate.

Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart).

Ford Mustang Cobra - I slow down to 85 in school zones.

Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.

Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall.

Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall.

Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.

Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit.

Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45 - I'm a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a darn about J.D. Power or his reports.

Jaguar XJ6 - I'm so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.

Lamborghini Countach - I only have one testicle.

Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.

Lincoln Navigator - I love scaring the crap out of the guy who is driving a Civic.

Mercury Grand Marquis - I'm an AARP member and need my social security for the car payment.

Mercedes 500SL - I can go 0-60 in about 6 seconds if the car doesnt fall apart at 50.

Mercedes 560SEL - I'm dating a mechanic.

Mercedes ML320 - I'm a bad@ss soccer mom.

Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler.

Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either.

Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Nissan Maxima - I couldn't afford an Infiniti.

Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts.

Oldsmobille Bravada - I laugh in the face of the guy who's driving a Blazer.

Peugeot 505 Diesel - I'm on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.

Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.

Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock.

Pontiac GTO - Gas, Tires, & Orgasms.

Pontiac Aztek - Too easy.

Porsche 911 Turbo - I have a three inch thingie.

Porsche 944 - I'm dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchanon is a tad bit too liberal.

Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic).

Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu.

Toyota Camry - I'm still in the closet.

Toyota Land Cruiser- I would go off road if I could.

Volkswagen Cabriolet - I'm out of the closet.

Volkswagen Microbus - I'm trippin right now.

Volkswagen Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns.

Volvo 740 Wagon - I'm very frightened of my wife