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While We Wait for the NTSB Report

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John Turney

John Turney

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After a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the Captain announced:

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain. Welcome to flight 293 non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth, uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and ... OH, MY GOD!" ... A scream, then silence followed.

Some moments later, the Captain came back on the intercom:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spill a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

One passenger yelled.. "For Christ's sake ... you should see the back of mine!!!"
 
:highly_amused:
 
I think we call that a "brown trousers moment."
 
After take off, this announcement came over the PA: :This is the newest airplane out. It is fully automated and computerized. You have nothing to worry about, nothing can go wrong, go wrong, go wrong.........
 
This is your Captain speaking, my name is "HAL"!
 
But don't call me shirley
 
Pilot: "Sorry folks. It seems we have lost an engine, but fortunately we have three more. But it will take an additional hour to reach our destination."

...

Pilot: "Sorry again, folks. We have lost a second engine. We have two more, but we will fly a little slower, so we will be two hours late on arrival."

...

Pilot: "Hi everyone, it's me again. We lost engine number three. Don't worry, we are safe to fly on one engine, but it will be slow. Our arrival will be three hours late."

Little old lady sitting next to me: "Boy, I hope we don't lose the fourth engine. We'll be up here forever!!"
 
Pilot, upon landing at New York JFK for the first time: "Co-pilot, let's be careful on this approach. I hear the runway is quite short."
Co-pilot: "Roger that."
Pilot, landing the plane... applies full brakes, full reverse thrust, speed brakes... "Boy this runway is REALLY short!"
Copilot: "Roger that. But w-i-d-e!"
 
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