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A buddy and I were just discussing how men seem to see better at night than women. I think it's natural selection. Show me a cave man who doesn't see well at night and I'll show you a guy who'll fall off a cliff or wind up a midnight snack.
Turn off the lights,
close my eyes for a few seconds,
open, let the eyes get adjusted
to the dark,
start walking,
kick hearth with bare foot, scream in agony,
wake house, daughter's now screaming,
"why did you wake me"?
apologize to bride for disturbing her,
turn on light, let dog out.
repeat
til I get into bed.
No toe-stubbing in this dark, Mark. This one is cold, ink-black and essence numbing. In a darkroom you can "map" where things are ahead of time, approach objects tentatively. This is a darkness only encountered in the mind. And time the only glimmer of light. No mapping I've found seems to help.
I know this is going to sound really cliche but it will get better. I think losing Merlyn is more oppressive than you anticipated. My favorite pet, George, an Australian Shepherd who entered my life as a stray and decided on me instead of the neighbor has been gone now for almost 4 years (An aggresive cancer) He still brings me to tears when I get a reminder. The first snow is always difficult. The better for me is not getting a constant reminder. Pets are more valuable than most folks realize.
Again I am so very sorry for your sadness. It'll go away when it goes away. Sometimes we can't always control our emotions, we simply have to wade through the sadness.
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