UPS aircraft maintenance

[DrEntropy]

<span style="font-style: italic">This has been around a while, it may have been posted here before but thought it needed a repost. Great stuff, IMO:</span>


After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers (marked with an S)
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

 

[14dna]

:lol:

Good one Doc
Gotta file those replies for future reference!!



Dave

 

[SilentUnicorn]

those bust me up everytime i read them...just wondering tho...why would a UPS plane have a targeting radar?



Mark

 

[GregW]

A good list. If I remember, the last time I saw it, it was for South West airlines.

 

[Steve]

I think that the Aussies' national airline, Qantas, is accident-free. Counts as a major airline. Don't want to upset the Aussies.....

 

[PHerder]

those bust me up everytime i read them...just wondering tho...why would a UPS plane have a targeting radar?



Mark

Maybe because these complaints were once from Air Force logs?

That is where I first saw these...

 

[SilentUnicorn]

yea ...i know that...but it is a lit more fun thinkin the ups fellas have gunz...:lol:

mark

 

[equiprx]

I could be wrong but i thought Quantas no longer holds that distinction.

 

[GregW]

yea ...i know that...but it is a lit more fun thinkin the ups fellas have gunz...:lol:

mark

It's a prototype airmail delivery service. They're testing it on a small target market.

 

[anthony7777]

gregw, what? what? you u.p.s. guy doesnt deliver your healey parts while carrying a side arm?, those u.p.s. planes with targeting radar are often used for covert missions, (urban legend in the making) :eeek:

 

[Shane]

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

One more:

P: Whining sound in cockpit.
S: Gave midget his hammer back.

 

[gsalt57tr3]

those bust me up everytime i read them...just wondering tho...why would a UPS plane have a targeting radar?



Mark

Maybe because these complaints were once from Air Force logs?

That is where I first saw these...

Nope, they came from Naval Air...

Too many years in an A3 Skywarrior.