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Police Quotes
The following were heard on
police car videos:
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In
case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a
9mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess
that means I can write anything I want on the ticket,
huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I
don't think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I
am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you
not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine
whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat
or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place
where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and
step in monkey poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife
gets a toaster oven."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have
quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets
as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good
personal friend of yours. At least you know someone
who can post your bail."
and the best one . . . . .
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're
right, we don't. Sign here."
The following were heard on
police car videos:
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In
case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a
9mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess
that means I can write anything I want on the ticket,
huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I
don't think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I
am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you
not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine
whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat
or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place
where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and
step in monkey poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife
gets a toaster oven."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have
quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets
as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good
personal friend of yours. At least you know someone
who can post your bail."
and the best one . . . . .
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're
right, we don't. Sign here."
