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Pretty Please - add it to our Events forum(s) and add to the calendar! >> 
kyreb1862
Jedi Knight
Offline
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &
Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our
15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something
extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the
taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate
time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and
brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the
button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however,
that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal
surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of
electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie
what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to
myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two
triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on
intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the
directions and thinking that I really needed to try this
thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction
of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet
cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to
protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance
that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my
nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and
disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to
cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant
flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst
longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device
measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in
circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two
itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no
possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but
I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her
head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it
dipstick,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a
tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I
decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of
it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the
button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . .. . WEAPONS OF MASS
DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HECK!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side
door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us
both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely
recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with
tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, with my left arm tucked
under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my
legs?
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before,
clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace,
obviously in an atempt to avoid getting slammed by my body
flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself
with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing
as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not
let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand
by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second
burst would be considered conservative?
SON-OF-A-GUN, THAT HURT LIKE HECK!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a
relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what
little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My
bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from
where it originally was. My triceps, and right thigh were still twitching. My face felt like it had been
shot up with Novocaine, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I
had no control over the drooling. Apparrently I soiled
myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of
smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head
which I believe came from my hair.
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens
me with it!
If you think Education is difficult, try being atupid!!
Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our
15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something
extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the
taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate
time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and
brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the
button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however,
that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal
surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of
electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie
what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to
myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two
triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on
intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the
directions and thinking that I really needed to try this
thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction
of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet
cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to
protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance
that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my
nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and
disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to
cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant
flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst
longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device
measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in
circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two
itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no
possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but
I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her
head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it
dipstick,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a
tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I
decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of
it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the
button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . .. . WEAPONS OF MASS
DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HECK!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side
door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us
both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely
recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with
tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, with my left arm tucked
under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my
legs?
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before,
clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace,
obviously in an atempt to avoid getting slammed by my body
flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself
with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing
as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not
let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand
by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second
burst would be considered conservative?
SON-OF-A-GUN, THAT HURT LIKE HECK!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a
relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what
little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My
bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from
where it originally was. My triceps, and right thigh were still twitching. My face felt like it had been
shot up with Novocaine, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I
had no control over the drooling. Apparrently I soiled
myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of
smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head
which I believe came from my hair.
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens
me with it!
If you think Education is difficult, try being atupid!!