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HM Revenue & Customs decides to audit Granddad, and call him to the tax office.
The auditor was not surprised when Granddad showed up with his accountant.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure HM Revenue & Customs finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it." says Granddad. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. Go ahead."
Granddad says, "I'll bet you a thousand pounds that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Granddad removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Granddad says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Granddad isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Granddad removes his false teeth and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realises he has wagered and lost three grand, with Granddad's accountant as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that waste bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old bloke could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Granddad stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the waste bin on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Granddad's accountant moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you alright?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the accountant. "This morning, when Granddad told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand pounds that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"
Don't Mess with Old People!!
The auditor was not surprised when Granddad showed up with his accountant.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure HM Revenue & Customs finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it." says Granddad. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. Go ahead."
Granddad says, "I'll bet you a thousand pounds that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Granddad removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Granddad says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Granddad isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Granddad removes his false teeth and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realises he has wagered and lost three grand, with Granddad's accountant as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that waste bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old bloke could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Granddad stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the waste bin on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Granddad's accountant moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you alright?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the accountant. "This morning, when Granddad told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand pounds that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"
Don't Mess with Old People!!