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Randi
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New Orleans and The South . . .
>
> If you come to New Orleans, you better say it right.
> It's pronounced "Nawlenz." No one from here says
> "New Orleens" unless they are writing a song or they
> want their ass kicked.
>
> It's hot. It's humid. It rains. Those are the
> only three weather patterns we have here.
>
> No one eats healthy. Fried Batter is actually a
> menu item in some restaurants.
>
> Giving directions to a non-local in New Orleans is a
> waste of time. Every street intersects with each
> other. No two streets run parallel to each other.
> The West Bank is actually east of the city. It
> would take too long to explain.
>
> One out of three street names is impossible to
> pronounce unless you were born in New Orleans, or
> you are a Cajun.
>
> If the levee breaks, everyone here will die. And no
> one seems worried about this problem either.
>
> There are 365 days in the year. There are 414
> parties/festivals in New Orleans. (And that's just
> in a slow month.)
>
> LOUISIANA DRIVING RULES:
>
> 1. A right lane construction closure is just a
> game to see how many people can cut in line by
> passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane
> waiting for the same drivers to squeeze their way
> back in before hitting the orange construction
> barrels.
>
> 2. Turn signals will give away your next move.
> A real Louisiana driver never uses the! m. The use
> of them in New Orleans may be illegal.
>
> 3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single
> lane-change is considered "going with the flow."
>
> 4. Never get in the way of an older car that
> needs extensive bodywork. (Reason: No insurance)
>
> SOUTHERN ADVICE:
>
> If you are from the northern states and planning on
> visiting or moving to the South, there are a few
> things you should know that will help you adapt to
> the difference in lifestyles:
>
> 1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic.
> Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a
> tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help
> them; just stay out of their way. This is what they
> live for.
>
> 2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and
> bait in the same store. Don't buy food at this
> store.
>
> 3. Remember: "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is
> plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
>
> 4. The first Southern statement to creep into a
> transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the
> adjective 'big ol' truck or 'big ol' boy. Most
> Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect
> this way. All of them are in denial about it.
>
> 5. Be advised that 'He needed killin' is a valid
> defense here.
>
> 6. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all,
> watch this," you should stay out of the way. These
> are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
>
> 7. If there is the prediction of the slightest
> chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow,
> your presence is required at the local grocery
> store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything
> or not. You just have to go there.
>
> 8. Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds
> own their own shotguns, they are proficient
> marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim!!
>
> NORTH - SOUTH DIFFERENCES:
>
> 1. The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes. The
> South has 'mater samiches.
>
> 2. The North has coffee houses. The South has
> Waffle Houses.
>
> 3. The North has dating services. The South has
> family reunions.
>
> 4. The North has switch blade knives. The South
> has Lee Press-on Nails.
>
> 5. The North has double last names. The South
> has double first names.
>
> 6. The North has Ted Kennedy. The South has
> Edwin Edwards.
>
> 7. The North has ambulances. The South has an
> am-a-lances.
>
> 8. The North has Cream of Wheat. The South has
> grits.
>
> 9. The North has green salads. The South has
> collard greens.
>
> 10. The North has crawdads. The South has
> crawfish.
>
> 11. The North has oil wells. The South has all
> wells.
>
> AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear
> children, don't think we will accept them as
> Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in
> the oven, we wouldn't call them biscuits.
>
> HAVE A GOOD DAY! And send this to four people that
> ain't related to ya, and I reckon your life will
> turn into a country mu! sic song 'fore you know it!Randi /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/jester.gif
>
> If you come to New Orleans, you better say it right.
> It's pronounced "Nawlenz." No one from here says
> "New Orleens" unless they are writing a song or they
> want their ass kicked.
>
> It's hot. It's humid. It rains. Those are the
> only three weather patterns we have here.
>
> No one eats healthy. Fried Batter is actually a
> menu item in some restaurants.
>
> Giving directions to a non-local in New Orleans is a
> waste of time. Every street intersects with each
> other. No two streets run parallel to each other.
> The West Bank is actually east of the city. It
> would take too long to explain.
>
> One out of three street names is impossible to
> pronounce unless you were born in New Orleans, or
> you are a Cajun.
>
> If the levee breaks, everyone here will die. And no
> one seems worried about this problem either.
>
> There are 365 days in the year. There are 414
> parties/festivals in New Orleans. (And that's just
> in a slow month.)
>
> LOUISIANA DRIVING RULES:
>
> 1. A right lane construction closure is just a
> game to see how many people can cut in line by
> passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane
> waiting for the same drivers to squeeze their way
> back in before hitting the orange construction
> barrels.
>
> 2. Turn signals will give away your next move.
> A real Louisiana driver never uses the! m. The use
> of them in New Orleans may be illegal.
>
> 3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single
> lane-change is considered "going with the flow."
>
> 4. Never get in the way of an older car that
> needs extensive bodywork. (Reason: No insurance)
>
> SOUTHERN ADVICE:
>
> If you are from the northern states and planning on
> visiting or moving to the South, there are a few
> things you should know that will help you adapt to
> the difference in lifestyles:
>
> 1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic.
> Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a
> tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help
> them; just stay out of their way. This is what they
> live for.
>
> 2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and
> bait in the same store. Don't buy food at this
> store.
>
> 3. Remember: "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is
> plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
>
> 4. The first Southern statement to creep into a
> transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the
> adjective 'big ol' truck or 'big ol' boy. Most
> Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect
> this way. All of them are in denial about it.
>
> 5. Be advised that 'He needed killin' is a valid
> defense here.
>
> 6. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all,
> watch this," you should stay out of the way. These
> are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
>
> 7. If there is the prediction of the slightest
> chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow,
> your presence is required at the local grocery
> store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything
> or not. You just have to go there.
>
> 8. Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds
> own their own shotguns, they are proficient
> marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim!!
>
> NORTH - SOUTH DIFFERENCES:
>
> 1. The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes. The
> South has 'mater samiches.
>
> 2. The North has coffee houses. The South has
> Waffle Houses.
>
> 3. The North has dating services. The South has
> family reunions.
>
> 4. The North has switch blade knives. The South
> has Lee Press-on Nails.
>
> 5. The North has double last names. The South
> has double first names.
>
> 6. The North has Ted Kennedy. The South has
> Edwin Edwards.
>
> 7. The North has ambulances. The South has an
> am-a-lances.
>
> 8. The North has Cream of Wheat. The South has
> grits.
>
> 9. The North has green salads. The South has
> collard greens.
>
> 10. The North has crawdads. The South has
> crawfish.
>
> 11. The North has oil wells. The South has all
> wells.
>
> AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear
> children, don't think we will accept them as
> Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in
> the oven, we wouldn't call them biscuits.
>
> HAVE A GOOD DAY! And send this to four people that
> ain't related to ya, and I reckon your life will
> turn into a country mu! sic song 'fore you know it!Randi /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/jester.gif
