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New College courses for Women

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KLUTZ

KLUTZ

Luke Skywalker
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Firstly, let me say... I think these are made up. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif



Women think they already know everything, but wait; training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:-

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait until After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. PMS: Your Problem . .. . Not His
20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
24. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both
25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

26. Getting ready to go out: Start the day before.

Please register immediately as courses are expected to be in great demand
 
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif Hope you're ducking for cover!
 
Nice on Paul. I bet JB could use a few of those courses.
 
The Mrs. didn't get it!!

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif
 
Jerri said to tell you guys she likes Mickey's jokes best!
 
I don't think I'll show this to the Wife.
I've got enough to answer for already.

- Doug
 
Nice...
 
My wife decided to respond in kind. It's only fair to post it...

Classes - Please Sign Up

Classes for men at our local Learning Center for Adults -

NOTE: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their content, each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants.

TOPIC 1
HOW TO FILL UP THE ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step, with slide presentation.


TOPIC 2
THE TOILET PAPER ROLL: DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Round table discussion.


TOPIC 3
IS IT POSSIBLE TO URINATE USING THE TECHNIQUE OF LIFTING THE SEAT UP AND AVOIDING THE FLOOR/WALLS AND NEARBY BATHTUB?
Group Practice.


TOPIC 4
FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY HAMPER AND THE FLOOR.
Pictures and explanatory graphics.


TOPIC 5
THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: CAN THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO THE KITCHEN SINK?
Examples on Video.


TOPIC 6
LOSS OF IDENTITY : LOSING THE REMOTE OR ALLOWING OTHERS TO USE IT.
Help line support and support groups.


TOPIC 7
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING.
Open forum.


TOPIC 8
HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
Graphics and audio tape.


TOPIC 9
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST.
Real life testimonials.


TOPIC 10
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation.


TOPIC 11
LEARNING TO LIVE: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LIVING ALONE OR WITH OTHERS.
Online classes and role playing.


TOPIC 12
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION.
Relaxation, exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.


TOPIC 13
HOW TO FIGHT CEREBRAL ATROPHY: REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE.
Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.


TOPIC 14
CAR KEYS AND OTHER ITEMS:
Practice on developing skills of putting things back where they belong so that they can be easily found.


Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued to any survivors.
 
[ QUOTE ]
Classes for men at our local Learning Center for Adults -

NOTE: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their content, each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants.


[/ QUOTE ]

NOTE:

Courses CANCELLED due to lack of interest.... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/devilgrin.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/jester.gif
 
She doesn't. She married me. 'Nuff said...

For some reason she thinks I need to go to 4, 7, 9 and 10. Especially 7. Going to 12 would be over my cold rotting corpse of course - if it takes more than 15s to buy, I didn't want it in the first place.
 
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