Never too many Blonde jokes......

[roofman]

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
> They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter."
> --------------------------------------------------



Two Blondes With Hammers...
> Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity
> house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail
> pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
> Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing
> those nails away?"
>
> Carol explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them
> have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away."
>
> Donna got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't
> defective! They're for the other side of the house!"




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> A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her
> index finger shot off.
>
> "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was
> trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
>
> "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off
> your finger?"
>
> "No, Silly" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and then I
> thought, 'I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself
> in the chest."
>
> "So then?" asked the doctor.
>
> "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, "I just paid $3,000.00 to
> get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
>
> "So then?"
>
> "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: "This is going to make a loud
> noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.


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A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad


> hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a
> repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to
> have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really
> hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, go down on
> her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing
> happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her
> blonde roommate saw her and asked, "What are you doing? The first blonde
> told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in
> order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and
> said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."
> ------------------------------------------------------------------

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> A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She
> was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to
> ask what it was.
>
> The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot, and
> cold things cold."
>
> "Wow", said the blonde, "that's amazing....I' m going to buy it!!" So she
> bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her
> desk. "What's that," he asked?
>
> "Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,"
> she replied.
>
> Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"
>
> The blond replied.... .."Two popsicles and some coffee."


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> AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
>
> A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked
> sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
>
> The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my
> mother had passed away."
>
> The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, "Why don't you go home for the day?
> Take the day off to relax and rest."
>
> "Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I
> have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the
> blonde to work as usual.
>
> A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He
> looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. "What's
> so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?" he asks.
>
> "No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just received a horrible call from my sister.
> Her mother died, too!"

 

[Nunyas]

heh... heh ... heh

 

[JamesWilson]

A phone company put an ad in the paper in order to recruit workers. The next day, two groups of workers show up - a crew of five men and a crew of five blonde women. The company cannot decide whom to give the job, so they give the two groups a test.

The company boss says, "Each crew will receive a telephone pole that must be installed into the ground. Whoever is able to hammer it in first will get the job."

Both groups agree that this is a fair test, so off they go in the company trucks with the long telephone poles sticking out the back. A few hours pass, and finally, at 5:00, the male crew returns. "Yes!" they shout. "We came back first, so we get the job!!"

"Good work, men," says the boss, "However, we must wait until the other crew comes back to make sure that the reason they’re delayed is not because of traffic or the truck breaking down."

"Fine, no problem," say the men. An hour passes, two hours pass, three hours. Finally, at 8:30, the Blonde crew arrives. All the group is flushed and breathing hard, as if they had just gone through harsh labor.

"What happened to you? What took so long?" asks the boss incredulously.

"What do you mean, ‘what took so long’?? Do we get the job?"

"YOU get the job? No way! The men were back here HOURS ago!"

"Well, of course they were," say the blondes. "They only put the pole in halfway!!"

 

[JamesWilson]

A blonde is driving down the road. She notices that she’s low on gas so she stops at the gas station. While she’s pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So, when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so she can attempt to open the door herself.

She goes outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant goes outside to see how the blond is faring.

The blonde outside of the car is moving the hanger around and around, while the blonde inside of the car is saying, "A little more to the left... a little more to the right!!"

 

[JamesWilson]

A blonde was having a lot of problems selling her old car, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal."

"That doesn’t matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About a month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

 

[JamesWilson]

Aboard a flight from Toledo to Orlando, a Blonde was taking her very first flight. They had only been aloft a few minutes when she complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping.

The stewardess smiled and gave the woman some chewing gum, assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort.

When they landed in New York, the Blonde thanked the stewardess. "The chewing gum worked fine," she said, "but tell me, how do I get it out of my ears?"

 

[ecurie_ecosse]

Having a quiet day James? /bcforum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/devilgrin.gif /bcforum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/jester.gif

Stuart. /bcforum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/cheers.gif

I liked the jokes,by the way.