Hi Guest!
Hey - did you know if you click on the title of a thread it will take you to the first unread post since you last visited that thread?
but were afraid to ask: 
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Pretty Please - add it to our Events forum(s) and add to the calendar! >> 
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HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works very well on boxes containing convertible tops and tonneau covers.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but also works great for drilling roll bar holes in the floor pan just above the brake line on the rear axle.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence it's course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost exclusively for lighting those stale garage cigarettes you keep hidden in the back of the Whitworth socket drawer( what wife would think to look there? )because you can never think to buy lighter fluid for the old Zippo you keep only to light the torch.
ZIPPO LIGHTER: See oxyacetylene torch.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles. They are mainly used now for hiding six month old Salem's from the sort of person who would throw them away for no good reason.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine usefully for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and slings your beer across the room, splattering it against the Rolling Stones poster over the bench grinder.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off of old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the work bench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard earned guitar callouses.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an MG to the ground after you have installed a set of lowering springs and trapping the jack under the car along with the handle under the air dam.
EIGHT FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering the car upward off the trapped jack.
PHONE: Used for calling your friend to see if he has another floor jack.
SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise. Can also be useful in scraping dog doo off your boots.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD REMOVER: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
TIMING LIGHT: a stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease build up on crankshaft pulleys.
TWO-TON HYDRAULIC HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and hydraulic clutch lines that you might have forgotten to disconnect.
BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring battery acid to the inside of your tool box after you have determined that the battery is as dead as a door nail, just as you thought.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is otherwise not found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40 watt light bulbs at an incredible rate. It's a feature built in to the light. More often dark than light, it's name is misleading.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids off of old style paper and tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt. It can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screws.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy from a power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts that were tightened 40 years ago by someone in Abington, Oxford shire and either rounds them off or breaks them during which your hand is being smashed against something slightly harder than you are.
Now when someone asks, what's that tool for, you have the answer.
