Friday Funnies

[Michael Oritt]

Remember we used to have Friday Funnies--and occasionally one of them was actually humorous? I read this joke online and thought I should pass it along:

A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas. It really doesn’t bother me too much as it never smells and is always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office but you didn’t know since it doesn’t smell and it’s silent."

The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The guy comes back in a week and says, "Doctor,I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas--although still silent--now stinks terribly."

"Good", the doctor said, "now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing."

Best--Michael Oritt

 

[roscoe]

That's like the one where the older guy goes to his doctor and says " hey, my wife's hearing is starting to get very bad but she won't come see you...any suggestions ?" He says "we have to see how bad it really is, so when you come in the house and if she's in the kitchen ( yeah, I know this is an old joke so forgive me) ask her what's for dinner. If she doesn't hear, move halfway closer and ask again. Keep doing that until she hears you and then we can figure it out. So he performs the task and when he finally gets very close he hears her say " if you ask me about dinner one more time you won't be getting any, I told you we're having meatloaf".

Now maybe someone can explain to me why a 50 lb bag of chicken food weighs considerably more than it used to. Some kind of mistake at the feed factory I guess.

 

[Bob_Spidell]

One of my favorite one-liners, from the late, great Mitch Hedberg:

"Escalators can never fail ... they just become stairs."

 

[titanfan10]

That's like the one where the older guy goes to his doctor and says " hey, my wife's hearing is starting to get very bad but she won't come see you...any suggestions ?" He says "we have to see how bad it really is, so when you come in the house and if she's in the kitchen ( yeah, I know this is an old joke so forgive me) ask her what's for dinner. If she doesn't hear, move halfway closer and ask again. Keep doing that until she hears you and then we can figure it out. So he performs the task and when he finally gets very close he hears her say " if you ask me about dinner one more time you won't be getting any, I told you we're having meatloaf".

Now maybe someone can explain to me why a 50 lb bag of chicken food weighs considerably more than it used to. Some kind of mistake at the feed factory I guess.

I heard it that when he got close she said " for the fifth time CHICKEN!" Both ways are funny.