For Bret [And Everyone Else With Daughters]

[Mickey Richaud]

Application to Date My Daughter (Adapted from strangecosmos.com)

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________

2. HEIGHT ____________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______ G.P.A.______

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK____________________________________________________

5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP _________

6. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A waterbed? _______ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo_________________
(If "yes" to any of #6, discontinue application and leave premises)

7. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?___________________________________________________________________________________________

8. In 50 words or lest, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

9. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
_____________________________________________________________________

10. Church you attend _____________ How often do you attend __________________

11. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? __________

12. Answer the following by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is ________
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ________________
c) A woman's place is in the ____________________
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _____________
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is ( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.) __________

13. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
________________________________________
Signature (That means your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, don't take it personally. When you have a daughter, you'll understand.

 

[jaybird]

Ahh Mickey! I haven't seen that in ages! I used to have a copy of that, actually handed it to Loser #2 when Sarah was first going out with him. Dumb kid still hung around for too long!

 

[maynard]

Reminds me of when my oldest daughter had her first date. Being old fashioned, her mother and I insisted he come in the house and let us meet him,

When he came in my daughter brought him into the kitchen, where I was cleaning my shotgun. His first words were "What time should I bring her home, sir?"

 

[JamesWilson]

This form seems a little liberal to me.... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/jester.gif

 

[michalotti_tr]

Daughters? I don' hav no steekin' daughters! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif To be honest, I believe it's the girls you have to watch out for now days - the stories I could tell about the girls my sons have dated ... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif

 

[Banjo]

The shivers are creeping up my neck as I apply this to my, now 4 year old daughter. I think the guns need cleaning!

 

[KLUTZ]

I wish my father in law had that when I was dating my wife !!

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hammer.gif

 

[Bret]

[ QUOTE ]
Daughters? I don' hav no steekin' daughters! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif To be honest, I believe it's the girls you have to watch out for now days - the stories I could tell about the girls my sons have dated ... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/eek.gif

[/ QUOTE ]
There is some truth to this - my younger sister was a major handful when we where growing up. However by the time we where in our teens for reasons I won’t go into our mom was working two jobs and I (at 17) was the one who had to “enforce, screen and regulate” potential boyfriends.

In fact one major looser & I had to settle things in our front yard one night, after he confused being a man with the cowardly act of slapped my sister around. Seems that sis had wised up to what a jerk this guy was by this point and he just refused to go away – something we call stalking today. Not that there aren’t any female stalkers (I’m sure there are) – it’s just that you won’t see too many fathers (or older brothers) having to bounce check their head off of the front grill of a 69 Pontiac. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif

However as much trouble as girls can be – without getting into the whole “gender bending & alternative lifestyles” issue, seriously – it ain't like the boys are going to come home crying their eyes out, because a girlfriend assaulted them and/or that they are going to have a child. If he does – you’ve got other issues. Call me old fashioned, but the truth is (like it or not) in Bret’s world – there is a double standard. A perfect example: I don’t care if the girl is beating the “you know what out” of a guy, their ain’t no excuse for hitting a female – period! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/nonod.gif

In fact, while I hope I’ve properly addressed the whole unprotected sex issue with my boys. Over the years, I’ve repeatedly told my sons that if one of them was to come home & tell me they had gotten a girl pregnant – that they need to be a man & step up to make things right by the girl and the child.

 

[michalotti_tr]

[ QUOTE ]
However as much trouble as girls can be – without getting into the whole “gender bending & alternative lifestyles” issue, seriously – it ain't like the boys are going to come home crying their eyes out, because a girlfriend assaulted them and/or that they are going to have a child. If he does – you’ve got other issues.

[/ QUOTE ]

Too true, and I'm not saying that most boys are any better then they ever were. I'm proud that my boys aren't the 'get what they want and move on' type. But the point I was making is that girls today are MUCH more likely to act that way - one of my sons just broke up with his girlfriend after finding out she was 'seeing' other guys behind his back - including a 30something guy. I have another son who has seen a lot of different girls, but because they are all interested in one thing - and it ain't a relationship! [ QUOTE ]
Call me old fashioned, but the truth is (like it or not) in Bret’s world – there is a double standard. A perfect example: I don’t care if the girl is beating the “you know what out” of a guy, their ain’t no excuse for hitting a female – period! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/nonod.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

I have to disagree with you there - though I have beaten the living daylights out of one son for punching a girl(she was going WAY over the top trying to make him jealous), I have told them that they are nobody's punching bag and if the girl hits you first with no reason, I expect them to slap her back (note I said 'slap') My wife agrees with my reasoning on this. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yesnod.gif

 

[Bret]

Now please don’t take this the wrong way because I ain’t going to try to tell anybody how they should live their life or what to teach their kids. Nor am I going to pretend that my rule about “men NOT hitting women” wouldn’t find some “gray” areas depending on the situation. But not counting my little sister I can honestly say that I’ve “never” laid a hand on women in anger or even in self-defense (justified or not). BTW the last time I ever hit my kid sister I was probably 8 years old.

Oh sure over the years I’ve had one or two girls & women slap or take a poke at me. Still can’t understand why – given my natural charm. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif Heck even my ex-wife had a nasty habit of throwing her prized crystal at me when we where in the final death throws of our marriage. Would I be lying if I said I never once toyed with the idea of cleaning her clock on one or two occasions? Sure I would. But as much as some might have understood or forgiven me for doing so. I never hit her even when she felt the need to hit me.

I guess my final thought on this would be; if a woman pushes you to the point where you feel the need to trade blows with her – a mans best bet is to take the high road and walk away. Because the woman probably ain’t worth your attention anyway and certainly not worth going to jail over.

 

[michalotti_tr]

[ QUOTE ]
Now please don’t take this the wrong way because I ain’t going to try to tell anybody how they should live their life or what to teach their kids.

[/ QUOTE ]

No worries - I didn't take it that way. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif I also agree that no one, male or female, should stay in a relationship that is physically abusive.