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Collard Greens

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Basil

Basil

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An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his yearly collard green garden but it was always very hard work for him because the ground was hard. His only son who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.



Dear Son,
I'm feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my collard green garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love,
Dad



A few days later he received a letter from his son.



Dear Dad,
Whatever you do, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES. Love, Your Son



At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.



That same day the old man received another letter from his son.



Dear Dad,
You can go ahead and plant the collard greens now.
That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love,
Your Son
 
Dear Son:

Why'd you go and write that?

They done went and dug up yo' momma you thunk had run off wi' tha fancy man....

Pa.
 
Variant:

Billy Bob an' Junior had been neighbors for most of their lives, living in the woods of rural north Georgia. One summer a great giant oak felled itself on Junior's patch, and he spent most of the ensuing months chopping and stacking it in prep for splitting to supply him thru the winter.

In late September as they were sittin' out on Junior's porch he was tellin' Billy Bob he'd never get to splittin' it so's it'd fit into his firebox before his impending birthday and the cold weather arrived. Billy Bob went next day an' rang up th' FBI from the phone booth in town. Explained that some fella named Junior had been cultivatin' Mary-wanna all summer and had now stashed the crop in a pile of logs in the back yard. FBI showed up next mornin', put Junior in the back of a big Ford seedan in cuffs, then proceeded to tear his logpile down and chopped it into tiny pieces in a futile search for the illicit crop. Finding nothing, frustrated and unable to hold Junior for any crime they released him and drove off...

Billy Bob holler'd across the patch: "HEY Junior!! Was that some FBI fellers?!?"
To which Junior only answered: "Yep!"
Billy Bob: "D'they come in there an' cut up all'a yer FIREWOOD?!?!?"
Junior: "Yep!"

Billy Bob: "Well, HAPPAY BIRTHDAY, BUDDY!!!"
 
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