Blonde Jokes

[kyreb1862]

Two blondes, Carol and Donna, were doing some carpentry work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.



Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?'

Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end, and I throw them away.'



Donna yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house.

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A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.

'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.

'What?' sputtered the doctor 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?'

'No, Silly,' the blonde said, 'first I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'

'So?' asked the doctor.



"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, "I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

'So then?' asked the doctor.

"'Then I put the gun to my ear," and I thought, "This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.
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A blonde was driving home after a game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

The shop owner decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees, and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened.So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her, and asked, 'What are you doing?'

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.



The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'
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Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?



They had gone to see 'Closed for the winter'.
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A blonde was shopping at Target, and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos ...it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.'

'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing ... I'm going to buy it!'

So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.


Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that?' he asked.

'Why, that's a thermos ... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied.

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

The blond replied .. 'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
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AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:

A blonde went to work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.'

The boss, feeling sorry for her, said, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'

'Thanks, but I'd be better off here.. I need to keep my mind off it, and I have the best chance of doing that here.'

A couple of hours passed, and the boss decided to check on the blonde.

He looked out from his office, and saw the blonde crying hysterically.

'What's so bad now? Are you going to be okay?' he asked.

'No, ' exclaimed the blonde, 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'

 

[JamesWilson]

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, 'what the heck', and I started jumping up and down along with her.

She said, 'I have some really great news!'
I said, 'Great. Tell me why you're so happy.'
She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant.
I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, 'That's great I couldn't be happier for you!'
Then she said, 'There's more'
I asked, What do you mean there's more.
She said, 'Well, we are not having just one baby.. We are going to have TWINS! '
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
'Well, that was the easy part.
I had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack.
And you know what!
BOTH tests came out positive!'

 

[mailbox]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Gliderman8]

This blonde is driving her car during a very heavy thunderstorm. As she approaches the bridge crossing the river, she finds that the bridge has been swept away by the heavy rains.
Not knowing what to do, she stops her car by the rivers edge and gets out.... as she looks across the river, she notices another blonde lady on the other side. The driver shouts "How do I get to the other side of the river?"
The other blonde lady shouts back "You are on the other side"

 

[Silverghost]

The loving husband got his blonde wife a cell phone for Christmas. She was just giddy with delight. Later that week, she went out to shop. In one of the stores, her phone rang. "Hello dear, how do you like your new phone?" asked her husband. "Oh, it's GREAT!" she replied, then paused..."How do you know I am in Bloomingdales?"

The same blonde hears on the radio a snow storm is coming and to park cars on the left side of the street, so she does. The next day she hears a snow storm is coming and to park cars on the right side of the street, so she does. A few days later, her radio breaks just after she hears another storm alert but before she hears the parking instruction. She asks her husband, "What should I do?!" He replies, "Leave it in the garage...."

And finally,

Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons? Because blonde men are dumb TOO!