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airline controllers
- Thread starter DB6
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Mark Beiser
Jedi Warrior
Offline
The 3rd to last and last ones almost gave me an anurism I laughed so hard!
Here are some conversations that airline passengers
normally will never hear. The following are accounts
of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control
towers from around the world.
While taxiing at London Gatwick Airport, the crew of a
US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a
wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US
Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the heck are you going?! I told
you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned
right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's
difficult for you to tell the difference between C and
D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the
embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take
forever to sort this out! You stay right there and
don't move til I tell you to! You can expect
progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour
and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I
tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air
2771?"
"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency
fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US
Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate
ground controller in her current state of mind.
Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely
running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed
his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you
once?"
=======================================================
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an
exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San
Jose Tower Noted:
American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the
runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the
Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the
lights and return to the airport."
=======================================================
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long
takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting,
identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not
f...ing stupid!"
=======================================================Tower:
"Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure
on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to
Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some
kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind
Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did
you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for
takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've
already notified our caterers"
=======================================================
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are
renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect
one to know one's gate parking location, but how to
get there without any assistance from them. So it was
with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to
the following exchange between Frankfurt ground
control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird
206".
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of
active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to
a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are
going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up
our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird
206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 -- but
I didn't land."
=======================================================
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy,
your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles,
Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say
this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
=======================================================
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in
Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start
clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must
speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a
German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak
English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful
British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."
normally will never hear. The following are accounts
of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control
towers from around the world.
While taxiing at London Gatwick Airport, the crew of a
US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a
wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US
Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the heck are you going?! I told
you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned
right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's
difficult for you to tell the difference between C and
D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the
embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take
forever to sort this out! You stay right there and
don't move til I tell you to! You can expect
progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour
and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I
tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air
2771?"
"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency
fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US
Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate
ground controller in her current state of mind.
Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely
running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed
his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you
once?"
=======================================================
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an
exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San
Jose Tower Noted:
American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the
runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the
Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the
lights and return to the airport."
=======================================================
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long
takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting,
identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not
f...ing stupid!"
=======================================================Tower:
"Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure
on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to
Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some
kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind
Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did
you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for
takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've
already notified our caterers"
=======================================================
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are
renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect
one to know one's gate parking location, but how to
get there without any assistance from them. So it was
with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to
the following exchange between Frankfurt ground
control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird
206".
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of
active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to
a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are
going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up
our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird
206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 -- but
I didn't land."
=======================================================
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy,
your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles,
Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say
this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
=======================================================
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in
Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start
clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must
speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a
German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak
English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful
British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."
tony barnhill
Great Pumpkin - R.I.P
Offline
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 -- but
I didn't land."<hr></blockquote>
I didn't land."<hr></blockquote>
Tower: United 371, you're cleared to land on runway 18. Northwest 420, you're cleared to land on runway 36.
United: Wait a minute Control! Runway 18 and 36 are opposite ends of the same runway!
Tower: (Silence for a moment and then) Well, y'all be careful then, y'hear?
-------------------------------------------------
A female controller in the tower was having radio transmission difficulties....
Controller: Any aircraft...radio check, radio check. Is my transmission fuzzy?
Deep male voice: I don't know, honey....how old are you?
United: Wait a minute Control! Runway 18 and 36 are opposite ends of the same runway!
Tower: (Silence for a moment and then) Well, y'all be careful then, y'hear?
-------------------------------------------------
A female controller in the tower was having radio transmission difficulties....
Controller: Any aircraft...radio check, radio check. Is my transmission fuzzy?
Deep male voice: I don't know, honey....how old are you?
PC
Obi Wan
Offline
A true story from the sky over So Cal:
One day a Cessna asks for a readout on his airspeed. The L.A. Air Traffic Control Center responds "90 knots".
A few moments later a Twin Beech makes a similar request. Center responds; "120 knots".
An F-18 was in the airspace at the time and, fighter pilots being fighter pilots, decided that he had to get in on this.
F-18: (smugly) "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests ground speed readout"
Control: (after a slight pause) "525 knots on the ground Dusty."
Another pilot in the airspace had been cruising along listening to all this. As it was, his aircraft wasn't under L.A. Center's control but they did monitor his flight. Upon hearing this last communication he decided it was his turn.
pilot: "Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed readout for us?"
Control: (after a long pause) "Aspen 20, I show one thousand seven hundred and forty-two knots."
There were no further inquires on that frequency.
It must be pretty cool to see the world though the canopy of a big black jet at 70,000 feet.
One day a Cessna asks for a readout on his airspeed. The L.A. Air Traffic Control Center responds "90 knots".
A few moments later a Twin Beech makes a similar request. Center responds; "120 knots".
An F-18 was in the airspace at the time and, fighter pilots being fighter pilots, decided that he had to get in on this.
F-18: (smugly) "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests ground speed readout"
Control: (after a slight pause) "525 knots on the ground Dusty."
Another pilot in the airspace had been cruising along listening to all this. As it was, his aircraft wasn't under L.A. Center's control but they did monitor his flight. Upon hearing this last communication he decided it was his turn.
pilot: "Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed readout for us?"
Control: (after a long pause) "Aspen 20, I show one thousand seven hundred and forty-two knots."
There were no further inquires on that frequency.
It must be pretty cool to see the world though the canopy of a big black jet at 70,000 feet.