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Txjake
Freshman Member
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A collection of Prince of Darkness jokes, regarding
Triumphs, Rovers, Nortons, Jaguars.
LandRover / Range Rover invented the first return to base GPS system also -
follow the oil drips home
The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still
claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"
Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF.
The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric
products.
"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never
experienced any prob...
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get
Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they
met too much resistance.
Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a
Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another
at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter
which one you use,
nothing happens!"
Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product
line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product
they offered which didn't suck.
Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy
that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires
longer.
Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the
refrigerators, too.
Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas
equipment:
check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk
three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of
Darkness protect your unworthy servant."
Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a
random frequency.
Triumphs, Rovers, Nortons, Jaguars.
LandRover / Range Rover invented the first return to base GPS system also -
follow the oil drips home
The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still
claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"
Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF.
The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric
products.
"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never
experienced any prob...
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get
Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they
met too much resistance.
Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a
Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another
at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter
which one you use,
nothing happens!"
Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product
line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product
they offered which didn't suck.
Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy
that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires
longer.
Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the
refrigerators, too.
Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas
equipment:
check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk
three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of
Darkness protect your unworthy servant."
Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a
random frequency.