Oxymorons

Some old; some new:

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

And why is the photo rectangular when the lens is round?

Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?

Someone has been listening to Steven Wright!

I distinctly remember forgetting that.

I can't wait to miss it! --elrey

Jumbo shrimp, military intelligence, moral majority...... I'm just sayin'

That's almost exactly an accurate estimate of why I agree to disagree. --elrey

Silverghost said:

Jumbo shrimp, military intelligence, moral majority...... I'm just sayin'

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Let us not forget: "The bureaucratic mind"

"Heard a good joke lately? PLEASE KEEP IT CLEAN AND IN GOOD TASTE!"

I rest my case.

Murieta said:

"Heard a good joke lately? PLEASE KEEP IT CLEAN AND IN GOOD TASTE!"

I rest my case.

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<span style="font-weight: bold">I think I'm having deja vu all over again.</span>

Remember Mae West?
"When I'm good, I'm good. When I'm bad, I'm better".

Always stay close to good taste but never fall in it.

This seems like the best oxymoron;
Today it was announced Jimmy Buffet would perform in Canada.



Dave :banana:

Murieta said:

"Heard a good joke lately? PLEASE KEEP IT CLEAN AND IN GOOD TASTE!"

I rest my case.

Click to expand...

If you don't agree with the standards here, you don't have to be a member - but you did agree to the rules when you registered, right?

"The sound of one whip cracking." --elrey

Some crack jokes, others crack whip.
Making fun of the rules may well stay within said rules, but a joke need some degree of "double-entendre" lest it won't be very funny.
That's where I draw my line: hinted yes, obvious no.
For an example, see Henny Youngman or Tommy Cooper:

A man enters a psy's office, only wearing Clingfilm.
Psy: I can clearly see you're nuts.

I've got jokes that would make your eyes bleed and your skin crawl, and you'd be headed outside to retch, so raunchy the sickest pervert would be ashamed to his core for listening. But I save those for my mom... I don't tell them here. This is a refuge. It's a place folks don't have to worry about, a small island of civility in a world gone mad... A well directed lick of the whip keeps the team in check, the wagon on the road and the picnic basket safe and sound. I am sure the driver would prefer to loll on his seat watching the scenery pass by, enjoying the blissful day. Let's help him lounge. Ride the edge if you must, press the limit with care, and all may enjoy the trip in peace --elrey

You're right.I'll ride the edge in case Injuns show up .... It's true this world has gone mad, but may be not madder than it was in the forties.