Funny owner's manual contents

Anyone have a favorite line from an owner's manual for a vehicle? My personal favorite isn't from a car, but from a Kubota rider mower my folks bought in the early 1980s:

"Do not operate mover on dirt or engine will bite dust."

Hard to tell whether they meant it literally or figuratively!

Classic!

I remember a manual that listed the tools required, and for a clutch job it said "strong buddy."

Dave :lol:

I heard this one from a friend who worked at a service station in the '60s. They were one of the few places that worked on Imports.

One day a Rolls-Royce came in on the hook. My friend looked in the manual. It read, "Rolls-Royces do not break down; however, if your Rolls-Royce should fail to proceed..."

Here is one that came from an old Honda pamphlet on motorcycle safety:

Go soothingly on the grease mud, as there lurks the
skid demon! Press the brake foot as you roll around
the corners, and save the collapse and tie up.

I guess sometimes the translations from Japanese to English loose something in the translation.

I bought an old Austin Healey manual published by a small company called Drake.

I was particularly bemused by its summary at the end of the chapter on the transmission & overdrive: it said these were very complex and best left to professionals....

Just what I needed for working on those....

Several years ago a friend owned a Kawasaki dealership. He received a display thingee with instructions obviously translated from Japanese to English. One instruction apparently intended to say "screw part A onto tab B." Basil (and propriety) will not let me quote here what the actual translation was.

one of my all time favorites is in Mercedes Benz manuals from the early 80s. I'm sure Doc could quote it exactly, but it gave instructions for "tow starting" a MB with an auto transmission. they included towing the "dead" car at a speed of 30 miles an hour for at least 1 minute before attempting to get the engine to turn over. Sounded like the peak of safety to me......

That's funny. That reminds me of a something my dad told me.

In 1947 he had started an airline flying amphibious PBY 5As from Manila in and around the Philippines. His close friend, Bill Shaver, who had is own private charter PBY, was coming back from a job when he radioed to my dad that he had no brakes. Since the PBY didn't have reversing props, this was a big problem.

They devised this crazy scheme where my dad and his best friend Don Teeters got in a 1941 Chevy they had and started racing down the runway as the PBY came overhead to land. Since the PBY was quite slow, they got just enough speed to drive up to the back, and with Don hanging on for dear life on the running boards, tossed a lasso over the tail then used the Chevy's brakes to stop the plane. Actually it wasn't enough and the plane rolled off the end of the runway but was slow enough from the Chevy to stop in the dirt and tall grass.

Bill Shaver, with my dad, flew in Dien Bien Phu and Bill got the Legion of Honor from the French. Dad and Don Teeters later flew in the Bay of Pigs together. Of course Castro didn't exactly give them any medals.

Sure beat's any stories I got! but I'm sure I'll be retelling that one again sometime! that's great!
the Warplane museum about 7 miles from my house has a PBY. I've been inside it a couple of times. it's really cool. And just up the road about an hour away is the town of Hammondsport where Glenn Curtiss grew up and had his shop. You may remember him as the first person to successfully takeoff and land a plane on water. He is responsible for designing that little notch on the bottom of the pontoons that breaks the hold of the water surface on the plane. He's also credited with developing the aileron as opposed to the Wright brothers method of racking the entire wing