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Self defense

sparkydave

Jedi Knight
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This is a true story, but I still get a kick out of it. It's a little long, but here it goes:


A guy who works in security is browsing in a department store. He sees another guy lift a camera and tuck it in his jacket. He and the manager both see this, so they follow him out the store, where the shoplifter takes off running past all the storefronts trying to get away. They follow after him yelling "Stop thief!"

Down at the end of the storefront, a little, elderly, frail woman totters out from one of the stores, and they see that this huge guy is going to flatten this poor old lady who is obviously no match for this huge guy. The two guys yell to her to look out, and she looks up to see this guy running towards her. She takes her purse, swings it up as the shoplifter runs past her, nails him right in the head, and he is out cold flat on his back.

The two guys catch up to her, and this lady is near hysterics because she's sure she must have killed him. They try to revive the guy, but he's down for the count. They call 911 and get the police and EMTs on the way. The EMTs are first to arrive, and they are trying to wake him up. One of the EMTs asked what happened, and they point to the lady and say "She hit him with her purse". The EMTs can't believe it. Meanwhile, the shoplifter is still out cold, and the EMTs are still trying to wake him up.

The police arrive, and ask what happened. Both the EMTs and the two guys say the lady hit him with her purse. The police ask the lady if this is true, and she is distraught that now she's going to be in trouble because she's sure she killed him, or at least caused him some serious injuries. At the very least, she might have to testify in court. So, the police ask, "Ma'am, what is in your purse?".

"Well, it's just this litte bitty 12-inch crescent wrench. The folks at the rape prevention center said to carry one in your purse so if you hit an attacker with your purse that they will go down." /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif



Finally, the EMTs wake the guy up, and he asks groggily "What happened?". The police officer does some quick thinking and say "You mean you don't know what happened?". The guy has no idea.

"Sir, you ran into that pillar there, and knocked yourself out." says the one, as the other officer dutifully wrote in the police report that the suspect ran into the pillar. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif Everybody nodded their heads in agreement.
 

Nunyas

Yoda
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*snicker*
 
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Crescent wrenches are such versatile tools, but I wonder? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif

Was it a keft-handed one, or right? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/jester.gif
 
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/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif
 

XK4

Jedi Hopeful
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Justice it truly served.
 

DrEntropy

Great Pumpkin
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Neither, James....t'was a METRIC one.
 
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I'm gonna have to ask the guys at advance if they have a metric crecent wrench next time I'm in there - just to see the reactions /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/lol.gif
 
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