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Thread: Red skelton's recipe for the perfect marriage

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  1. #1
    Jedi Warrior
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    Red skelton's recipe for the perfect marriage

    RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
    1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
    2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
    3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
    4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
    5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
    6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
    7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
    8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
    9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
    10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
    11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
    12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
    13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
    I said, "Dust!".
    Maynard
    94 Jaguar XJS 6.0 V12
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  2. #2
    Jedi Warrior
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    Re: Red skelton's recipe for the perfect marriage

    Showed that to my ole lady... I'm now in the dog house.

  3. #3
    Luke Skywalker
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    Re: Red skelton's recipe for the perfect marriage

    The year after I graduated college he came to do a Parent's Weekend show on campus. Sorry I missed that since a friend told me later that for a Saturday show he arrived Wednesday morning and spent the next few days wandering campus walking into classes and sitting with students there and where ever he saw a group. Not something today's celebrities would do I suspect.

  4. #4
    Jedi Warrior
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    Re: Red skelton's recipe for the perfect marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by anarchy99 View Post
    Showed that to my ole lady... I'm now in the dog house.
    At least the dog is forgiving.
    Maynard
    94 Jaguar XJS 6.0 V12
    91 Jaguar XJS (RIP)
    86 Jaguar XJ6
    78MGB
    67MGB

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    Moderator JPSmit's Avatar
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    Re: Red skelton's recipe for the perfect marriage

    My favourite Red Skelton line - "I don't hate my enemies, I made them."
    John-Peter Smit
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