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Red skelton's recipe for the perfect marriage

maynard

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[FONT=&quot]RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I said, "Dust!".[/FONT]
 
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The year after I graduated college he came to do a Parent's Weekend show on campus. Sorry I missed that since a friend told me later that for a Saturday show he arrived Wednesday morning and spent the next few days wandering campus walking into classes and sitting with students there and where ever he saw a group. Not something today's celebrities would do I suspect.
 

JPSmit

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My favourite Red Skelton line - "I don't hate my enemies, I made them." :smile:
 
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