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Thread: Laws

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    Jedi Knight
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    Laws

    1.Law of Mechanical Repair -
    After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.


    2.Law of Gravity -
    Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.


    3.Law of Probability -
    The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.


    4.Law of Random Numbers -
    If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.


    5.Variation Law -
    If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.


    6.Law of the Bath -
    When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.


    7.Law of the Result -
    When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!


    8.Law of Biomechanics -
    The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


    9.Law of the Theatre & Football Stadium -
    At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle, always arrive last.
    They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over.
    The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangling legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.


    10.The Coffee Law -
    As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


    11.Murphy's Law of Lockers -
    If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.


    12.Law of Physical Surfaces -
    The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.


    13.Law of Logical Argument -
    Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.


    14. Law of Physical Appearance -
    If the clothes fit, they're ugly.


    15.The 50-50-90 Law
    Whenever there's a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability that you'll get it wrong.


    16.Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -
    As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!


    17.Doctors' Law -
    If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
    Mike
    66 TR4A

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    Yoda Boink's Avatar
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    Re: Laws

    Thug's Law of Opposition (from Firesign Theater): "if you push something hard enough, it will fall over."
    - Mark

    Former 1956 Austin Healey 100-4 (BN2)
    Former 1962 Mk1 Austin Mini (850)
    Former 1973 Austin Mini (really a 1980s Cooperized Mini)
    Present 1959 Austin Healey "Bugeye" Sprite (with 1275, 5 speed, discs, etc)

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    Obi Wan
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    Re: Laws

    My third law - as appears in Paul Dickson's The Official Rules-also quoted by Ann Landers:
    The time of departure is directly proportional to the square of the number of people going. Example: Departure Time is 10 am. One person going=10 am. Two people going=10:04. Three people going=10:09 etc.

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    Great Pumpkin NutmegCT's Avatar
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    Re: Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by pdplot View Post
    My third law - as appears in Paul Dickson's The Official Rules-also quoted by Ann Landers:
    The time of departure is directly proportional to the square of the number of people going. Example: Departure Time is 10 am. One person going=10 am. Two people going=10:04. Three people going=10:09 etc.
    No kidding!

    Another: Regardless of the scheduled starting time for the lecture, the presenter will always start with "We'll wait another couple of minutes in case some people are late."
    Mac & Phyllis Take a Trip: http://nutmegflyer.com/trip-details-daily-updates/
    History: 1976 MGB, 1959 Triumph TR3A, 1960 Mercedes-Benz 190b, 1958 Rambler American.
    Current: 1953 MG TD27318.

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