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Subject: Actual headlines (or so we're told...)
>
>>
>>
>> THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] __HEADLINES OF 2004:_
>>
>> Something Went Wrong in Jet *Crash, Expert Says* [no, really]?
>>
>> Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [now that's taking things a bit far]!
>>
>> Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [what a guy]!
>>
>> Miners Refuse to Work after Death [no-good-for-nothin' lazy ……….]!
>>
>> Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [see if that works any better than a fair trial]!
>>
>> War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]
>>
>> If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [you think]?
>>
>> Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [who would have thought]!
>>
>> Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [you mean there's something stronger than duct tape]?
>>
>> Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge [he probably /_IS _/the battery charge]!
>>
>> New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [weren't they fat enough ]?
>>
>> Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
>>
>> Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?]
>>
>> Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
>>
>> Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]
>>
>> /_And the winner is.... _/
>>
>> *Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead * Did I read that sign right? ** *
>>
>> In an office:
>> TOILET OUT OF ORDER......PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
>>
>> In a Laundromat:
>> AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
>>
>> In a London department store:
>> BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
>>
>> In an office:
>> WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
>>
>> In an office:
>> AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
>>
>> Outside a secondhand shop:
>> WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
>>
>> Notice in health food shop window:
>> CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
>>
>> Spotted in a safari park:
>> ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
>>
>> Seen during a conference:
>> FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
>>
>> Notice in a farmer's field:
>> THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
>>
>> On a repair shop door:
>> WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
>> *
>> **We all need a good laugh, keep on smiling*
>
>
>>
>>
>> THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] __HEADLINES OF 2004:_
>>
>> Something Went Wrong in Jet *Crash, Expert Says* [no, really]?
>>
>> Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [now that's taking things a bit far]!
>>
>> Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [what a guy]!
>>
>> Miners Refuse to Work after Death [no-good-for-nothin' lazy ……….]!
>>
>> Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [see if that works any better than a fair trial]!
>>
>> War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]
>>
>> If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [you think]?
>>
>> Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [who would have thought]!
>>
>> Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [you mean there's something stronger than duct tape]?
>>
>> Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge [he probably /_IS _/the battery charge]!
>>
>> New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [weren't they fat enough ]?
>>
>> Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
>>
>> Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?]
>>
>> Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
>>
>> Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]
>>
>> /_And the winner is.... _/
>>
>> *Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead * Did I read that sign right? ** *
>>
>> In an office:
>> TOILET OUT OF ORDER......PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
>>
>> In a Laundromat:
>> AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
>>
>> In a London department store:
>> BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
>>
>> In an office:
>> WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
>>
>> In an office:
>> AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
>>
>> Outside a secondhand shop:
>> WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
>>
>> Notice in health food shop window:
>> CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
>>
>> Spotted in a safari park:
>> ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
>>
>> Seen during a conference:
>> FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
>>
>> Notice in a farmer's field:
>> THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
>>
>> On a repair shop door:
>> WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
>> *
>> **We all need a good laugh, keep on smiling*
>
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