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Mickey Richaud
12-30-2009, 10:58 AM
No, not the tools - the sayings.

Something I read triggered a thought-line, and decided to see if there are some favorites out there.

One of mine, the one that was triggered, is "Step on a dollar to pick up a dime."

My all-time favorite is "Never get in a pukin' contest with a buzzard." ~ <span style="font-style: italic"> Not that that would EVER happen here! </span> ~ :jester:

Others?

DrEntropy
12-30-2009, 11:22 AM
Heard one on TV (not sure it's actually qualified as "old", but...) wot made me giggle:

"yer grinnin' like a 'possum chewin' peach pits!"

14dna
12-30-2009, 11:53 AM
"More nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockin' chairs"

Dave :cheers:

drooartz
12-30-2009, 12:56 PM
"More fun than a bathtub full of otters"

aeronca65t
12-30-2009, 01:04 PM
True story:

When I was in college, I worked for a crusty old builder.

On one of my first jobs for him, he had me re-roof a small building with strip shingles.

When I was all done, I called him to inspect the job......I thought it turned out pretty good.

He said to me:

<span style="font-size: 11pt"><span style="font-style: italic">"That's more crooked than a bull's @ss sewed up with a log chain!"</span></span>

I had to pull the roof off and redo it. :cryin:

Still, it taught me well and I never forgot that.
I've done a lot of roofs since then and I've never once forgotten to use a snap line. :jester:

bgbassplyr
12-30-2009, 01:33 PM
Shallow end of the gene pool.

Wrapped tighter than Dick's hat band.

Like looking for a black cat in a coal bin.

Had a few drinks and got higher than a kite.

Smoother than a baby's butt.

Rough as a cobb.

Tight as a tick.

Stubborn as a Tennessee mule.

Town was so small, we didn't have a village idiot. We had to take turns.

texas_bugeye
12-30-2009, 01:36 PM
It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe.


He's as rich as possum gravy. ?? afriad to really find OUT!

TRDejaVu
12-30-2009, 01:49 PM
Busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger.

Gray_Cat
12-30-2009, 02:55 PM
skitters around more than cold water on a hot skillet.
Roy

DrEntropy
12-30-2009, 03:23 PM
"Busier 'n cat coverin' {eep} on a concrete floor." :devilgrin:

martx-5
12-30-2009, 04:25 PM
"Hes busier than a one-legged man at a butt kickin' contest!"

Gliderman8
12-30-2009, 04:57 PM
<span style="font-style: italic">"You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil has to be lead"</span>

Thank you Stan Laurel

Steve
12-30-2009, 05:29 PM
"He's as sharp as a sack of wet mice...."

"As much use an an ashtray on a motorcycle"

ecurie_ecosse
12-30-2009, 05:52 PM
As usefull as a wet weekend in Florida.

A blind man would be happy to see that.

Stuart. :cheers:

tony barnhill
12-30-2009, 05:57 PM
When it comes to money, there's no such thing as friends and family.

No good deed ever goes unpunished.

bgbassplyr
12-30-2009, 05:58 PM
Useless as a teat on a boar.

Mean as a five toed tom cat.

Dumb as a box of rocks.

Poor as a church mouse.

tony barnhill
12-30-2009, 06:01 PM
If you don't have enough time to do a job right the first time, when are you going to find the time to redo a hodge podge?

startech47
12-30-2009, 06:27 PM
When you drink pigs milk you can see the wind.

texas_bugeye
12-30-2009, 06:36 PM
Busier than a one eyed man at a topless bar

Silverghost
12-30-2009, 06:43 PM
Busier than a one armed paperhanger in a house of ill-repute on payday.
Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
Measure twice - cut once.
You can take a little more off, you can't put a little more back.
Man who pass gas in church sit in own pew.
He who cook carrot and pea in same pot not very sanitary.

texas_bugeye
12-30-2009, 06:54 PM
man whos glasses to small have ears to far back on head.

Gliderman8
12-30-2009, 07:44 PM
You can't eat like a bird and sh*t like an elephant

DNK
12-30-2009, 07:53 PM
Happy as a puppy with 2 Peters

bgbassplyr
12-30-2009, 08:34 PM
If you lay down with dogs, you're likely to have fleas.

DrEntropy
12-30-2009, 08:45 PM
If you lay down with dogs, you're likely to have fleas.

Y'mean: "If you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas." ??

"lay"... to, erm, err...

"You lie down to get ***d!" --QUOTE: Old English prof. :wink:


It wuz hammer'd into me. Couldn't be helped. :devilgrin:

bgbassplyr
12-30-2009, 09:16 PM
So....now you're an English professor?


You are right of course, just got careless, or fumble fingered.

Now get back in the shed.

DrEntropy
12-30-2009, 09:23 PM
It was FROM an old English prof... He was an endearin' ol' curmudgeon, too.

Yeah, I'll crawl back inna shed now. :smirk:

bgbassplyr
12-30-2009, 09:33 PM
I think we're both bored, Doc....Oh, and I'm trying to catch up to you on number of posts...................but I may not live long enough, even if you quit posting now.

DrEntropy
12-30-2009, 10:02 PM
"If I suddely quit tomorrow..." :wink:

DrEntropy
12-30-2009, 10:03 PM
But I ain't changin' latitude fer NOTHIN"!! :smirk:

tony barnhill
12-30-2009, 10:06 PM
You'll not quit for a long time, Doc!

DrEntropy
12-30-2009, 10:13 PM
Not if'n it's up to me, colonel. :wink:

DCB
12-30-2009, 11:21 PM
A dog returns to his vomit.

Already said, but I grew up with Grandma saying, "useless as teats on a boar!" Usually in reference to my sisters boyfriends.

A watched pot never boils, but an unwatched pot boils over.

GregW
12-31-2009, 02:27 AM
I'll paraphrase, 5 pounds of stuff in a 2 pound bucket.

And who can forget the classic

https://www.youtube.com/v/8gciFoEbOA8FoEbOA8" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"> </embed></object>

bugimike
12-31-2009, 06:58 AM
...and then there's my favorite...

https://www.youtube.com/v/t2JnCXvm_QcCXvm_Qc" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"> </embed></object>

"A man's got to know his limitations!" :devilgrin:

longbridgehealey
12-31-2009, 09:45 AM
He's a lost ball in high weeds.....

DrEntropy
12-31-2009, 11:06 AM
"light in his loafers"

bgbassplyr
12-31-2009, 12:28 PM
"Jump out of the pan and into the fire"

Similar to one already posted, "Grinning like a mule eatin briars"

AweMan
12-31-2009, 05:03 PM
He`s all hat and no cattle!
Stupid is as Stupid does!
you can`t fix stupid!
One brick short of a full load! {no common sense}

TR6BILL
12-31-2009, 05:33 PM
"I got a way with women. It costs a lot but it's a way."

"Porch light's on but no one is home."

JonC
12-31-2009, 05:57 PM
Slicker then deer guts on a doorknob.

Dumber then a bag hammers.

Mickey Richaud
12-31-2009, 06:01 PM
Welcome, Jon!

vagt6
01-01-2010, 09:41 AM
"Fast as a hobo on a ham sandwich."

There are others, not printable here . . . :nonod:

MGjoc
01-02-2010, 09:51 AM
More confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar.

Cheers - Dennis

MGjoc
01-02-2010, 09:53 AM
Used to have a young lady working for me that had a funny saying which was "Faster than out of a prom dress"...

Cheers - Dennis

jsfbond
01-02-2010, 10:57 AM
I always said it as "Off like a pron dress" leaving, out of here, and such.

PAUL161
01-03-2010, 05:43 AM
Clumsy as a bull in a china closet.
He's about 3 ears short of a bushel
The lights are on, but no ones home.

(Old sailer's saying on how dumb is he)
He Ps off the bow of the ship.
(Airman's saying on how dumb is he)
He thinks prop wash is a cleaning fluid.

tony barnhill
01-03-2010, 04:01 PM
His elevator doesn't go to the top floor.