View Full Version : You might be a Little British Car owner.........

08-17-2002, 12:48 PM
Listening toJeff Foxworthy last night gave me this idea......

If you have a two-car garage and your daily drivers live outside all the time...you might be a Little British Car owner.

If you can remove, strip, clean, reassemble and re-install a twin SU carb setup....inside of twenty minutes....blindfolded....you may be a Little British Car owner.

If you take enough spares with you to replace every electrical component on the car, plus give it a major service and fill the gas tank, each time you go for a drive....you may be a Little British Car owner.

If you think that "Lucas" is English for "darkness", you might be a Little British Car owner.

If none of your cars needs anything fixing, adjusting or messing with, you cannot possibly be a Little British Car owner.

08-17-2002, 10:27 PM
If you spend more time fixing your car than you do driving it..............you might be a Little British Car owner.

08-17-2002, 10:46 PM
This is good - lets see how many we can come up with!

If you carry Wrigley's chewing gum in your glove box for emergency repairs, you may be a Little British car owner!

If you are relieved to find only a "small" pool of oil under your car, you may be a Little British car owner!

If you come into some extra cash, and send it to Moss motors instead of buying a much-needed pair of pants without holes, you might be a little British car owner!

If stopping every hour or so to check the oil seems perfectly normal to you, you might be a little Britsh car owner!

Basil graemlins/crazy.gif graemlins/crazy.gif

08-19-2002, 11:57 AM
If you've ever used a hygrometer to diagnose a starting problem...

If the name "Zenith" does not remind you, first and foremost, of your grandparent's TV...

If your child's Tinkertoys remind you of the last time you got caught driving by a sudden downpour...

If to you, "low maintenance" means a chassis lube interval over 500 miles...

If it takes your car 2 minutes and 40 seconds to go 0 to 60,...and the first 2 minutes and 30 seconds are spent fiddling with the choke to get the thing started...

gene johnston
08-20-2002, 12:10 AM
You might be a LBC owner if you think the British colleges could use a good technical writing course. graemlins/lol.gif

08-20-2002, 12:39 AM
if a customer service rep at moss motors knows your voice and name by heart.......

08-20-2002, 06:24 PM
If you know that Laycock De Normanville is not a stripper's name...

If the name "Sunbeam" does not remind you of toasters or blenders...

08-21-2002, 01:14 PM
if at a british car meet you open your bonnet,
not to show off the engine, but to let the engine cool off because it was running hot.

in the walmart parking lot, you open your bonnet to tap the starter relay to start the car because it wont start.

the guys at autozone think your a nut.

09-13-2002, 06:57 PM
You may be a LBC addict if:

You can diagnose a problem entirely by the smell or color of the smoke emanating from your vehicle.

Driving after dark requires special electrical system checks

It seems reasonable that you should add oil to your carburetors

Your trunk normally contains the following items:
- a spool of wire, electrical tape, and sidecuts
- more than one quart of oil (of more than one viscosity)
- a spare set of spark plugs, a spare spark plug wire, and a spare rotor

[ 09-13-2002: Message edited by: TerrierCarrier ]</p>

09-15-2002, 11:39 PM
You decide to drive your LBC to a nice restaurant and proceed to give off visible carbon monoxide fumes from your clothes, due to the muffler seal breaking down, you might just be.

An Oxford isn't a type of shoe.

You don't need no stinking windshield wipers.

A Capri isn't a type of pants.

You don't need no stinking turn signals.

You send your Snap-On rep a Christmas card.

You don't need no stinking heater.

You don't think that Jaguar's F1 team is really British, but Stewart Racing was.

You don't need no stinking roll-up windows.

You think the Sprite and Midget need to lose some weight.

-William (I don't need no stinking demister!)

Scott Brunkhurst
09-17-2002, 09:24 AM

When I was in the army and diving a ford (jeep) I had the occasion of my jeep dying in the field. The "mechanic" said "stuck float" and proceded to bang on the float bowl till it cracked and started leaking. Out came the chewing gum and I made all the way back to the motor pool.
If your Austin Healey has a sticker saying "MY OTHER CAR IS AN MG"


11-01-2002, 02:38 AM
My bumper sticker..

$REWARD$.. for the return of any parts found on the roadside off this car.

11-01-2002, 09:54 AM
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by TypeRboy:
My bumper sticker..

$REWARD$.. for the return of any parts found on the roadside off this car.<hr></blockquote>

Parts falling off the car? Uh, no, that's just chaff ejected to confuse radar... images/icons/tongue.gif

11-15-2002, 07:36 PM
You consider rust a performance enhancer because it is lighter than virgin metal....

A fire extinguisher is considered standard equipment.....

if seeing the road through your floor pan is an alternate means of checking road conditions....

If you plan your next trip based on garage locations instead of scenic destinations. graemlins/cheers.gif

11-15-2002, 09:57 PM
if you know it will take 10 minutes to remove the first three nuts and 2 days to remove the fourth

if you wonder why people shift in to first gear at other than a dead stop

if you post on this forum

you might own a lbc

11-16-2002, 03:31 AM
If you never ask your wife for permission to buy LBC parts.....you only beg for forgiveness at a later date....Cost usually doubles after flowers and a dinner on the town....


11-16-2002, 08:21 AM
you must be getting a better deal on parts than I do

12-17-2002, 11:06 PM
I noticed this dropped out of the 30 day list. I have "borrowed" (stolen) this for my site and added some more so we can perserve this. All credit to BCF member though. If anyone has an issue with me using this stuff let me know. Otherwise here's the link https://members.shaw.ca/spitfire1500/humour.html

and a couple more additions.

You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.
Your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
You have an immaculate car which you drive one day a week, and the
vehicle that gets you around the other six days is rusted, covered with
duct tape, and has a pair of Vise Grips(r) holding the clutch cable together.
You have enough spare parts to build another car.
You can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and rested on weekends
You have a "home" toolbox and an "away" toolbox
Your "daily driver" is continuously being mistaken for an abandoned car
as you haven't taken the time to wash it in over a year
You have more than one roll of duct tape around the house (the handyman's secret weapon).
The UPS truck stops at your house more than any other house on the block
You do more catalog shopping than your wife
You used to have money
You try to justify your hobby as continuing education
Your EMAIL address refers to your car rather than to you
The car gets waxed more often than your floor
Your family brings the couch into the garage so they can spend some time with you
Your Christmas list begins with a Webber carbs and Stainless Steel Headers (and your "significant other" knows what these are).


[ 12-17-2002: Message edited by: 78Z ]</p>

12-18-2002, 11:21 AM
Some nice additions there. Actually, as the originator of the thread I am rather flattered that you chose to use the idea, you have done a nice job with it. The more publicity for the BCF the better. graemlins/blush.gif

12-18-2002, 12:34 PM
If you have acquired the neat party trick ability to play "God Save the Queen" on your over-tightened wheel spokes...

If you can't understand why the Spanish would sell so much gasket-suitable cork to wine makers...

If you've seen a vision of the Blessed Virgin in an oil stain on your driveway.

If you can proudly exclaim that a Hyundai Excel is not the least reliable car they've ever owned...

If you've never met "Lucas", but you're willing to bet good money that he was dyslexic...

12-18-2002, 02:57 PM
If you know that it's time to top up your fluids when the car stops leaking.........

12-19-2002, 01:10 PM
When you increase your maintenance interval by switching from cardboard drip pan to a metal one.

12-29-2002, 02:45 AM
when stopped at intersections people point and stare. if you drive a british car this happens, either because it's beautiful, or because there is something on fire.

you look in the rearview miror, and see two gentlemen with their hands on your rear bumper, you thank them.

you consider the fact that you cary goggles in the car a reasonable alternative to the soft top, which you removed to save weight.

You have a bumper sticker that says "All the parts falling off of this car are of the finest british workmanship."

People can smell you when you enter the room, and you showered earlier that day.

you've cought youslef saying "that smells nice" when you unwittingly walk through a place that gear oil has spilled.

you've wondered how hard it would be to construct a 30 car garage, atatched to your 2 bedroom home.

the d.M.V. sends you sympathy cards after you re-register your vehicle for another year.

you've ever had to prove to someone that your car runs.

not only do you have a home tool kit, and an away tool kit, the away tool kit is larger and more complete.

you drive through neighbourhoods and have children and old folks ask you for rides.

you can go anywhere and have someone say "I had one of those when I was a kid" and they invariably have some piece of wisdom to share with you, and in some cases have parts to give you.

you had your car running for a year before installing a stereo, because you just wanted to hear your engine.

you stop people in traffic, and sometimes they get out and help you get started again.

05-07-2003, 11:16 PM
If these jokes are not new to you:

Joe Lucas held a patent on the short circuit.

Lucas introduced a vacuum cleaner to his line: it was the only product he ever made that didn"t suck.

The Lucas factory motto was "Work hard and quickly so you can get home before dark".

Why do the English drink warm beer: they have Lucas refrigerators.

Then you must be a LBC owner.

05-13-2003, 06:47 AM
If you get wetter inside your car when it rains than you would if you were outside...

you might be a LBC owners.

05-13-2003, 11:37 AM
- You bake a cake to celebrate Donald Healey's birthday.

- You activate your headlight switch, and you're surprised that they come on, rather than your windshield wipers.

- Someone remarks that your dashpots are probably dry, and you know enough not to consult a urologist.

- You understand why Mr. Bean padlocks his Mini.

05-15-2003, 03:00 AM
For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom, vroom" noises while in the driveway or garage.

Traffic reporters start referring to you by name when discussing morning tie-ups.

05-27-2003, 08:04 PM
If you have spent 4+ years and 3K+ on your car and it still looks like the day you brought her home......You might Be...... images/icons/smile.gif

05-28-2003, 11:03 AM
If you've ever referred to Colin Chapman as "The Almighty."...

If you've ever thought of a 1275cc engine as "the big one"...

If you can rebuild an SU sidedraft from memory, but can't remember your wedding day, or sometimes, your wife's name....

[ 05-28-2003: Message edited by: lawguy ]</p>

05-29-2003, 03:46 AM
If you can convince your wife that an MG really is a realiable college investment for the young'uns.

If you can touch the pavement outside the car when stopped at a light.

05-31-2003, 05:50 AM
if your tach reads about half your oil pressure

06-01-2003, 12:29 PM
if you think the auto parts store should save a parking spot for you because your there atleast once everyday

06-21-2003, 11:13 PM
If a screwdriver with a large handle is a necessary item to carry along to insure you can make it to your destination. When the fuel pump quits to tap on it to get it started again graemlins/hammer.gif

06-21-2003, 11:32 PM
If you have Moss Motors and Victoria British on your speed dial.......above friends and family ........

Mark Beiser
09-14-2003, 02:48 AM
This thread, and some "FUN" adventures when I lived in the mountains in central Arizona, inspired my sig. images/icons/grin.gif

[ 09-13-2003: Message edited by: Mark Beiser ]</p>

09-14-2003, 08:50 PM
Can't believe we havn't seen this one!!!!!!

::: If you will park over a mile away... just to be sure you are ON A HILL.

Been there, done it.

09-14-2003, 09:03 PM
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mark Beiser:
This thread, and some "FUN" adventures when I lived in the mountains in central Arizona, inspired my sig. images/icons/grin.gif

"If you are good at night driving with a flashlight held over the top of the windscreen.....You just might be a LBC driver."

[ 09-13-2003: Message edited by: Mark Beiser ]<hr></blockquote>

That could be tuff. Me thinks i would use a handy roll of duct tape and a maglite, might make it easier to steer and shift.
But lets hear the story !! Please


tony barnhill
09-14-2003, 10:14 PM
IF: The local tow comapny has your address programmed into their computer & recognize your car on the side of the road & know to take it home without specific directions & then send you a monthly towing invoice.

09-14-2003, 10:51 PM
If the AAA has cancelled your membership...

If the "Electrical" section of your shop manual is barely readable because of grease smears...

09-15-2003, 01:38 AM
When you have an old coat hanger holding your power line out of the way temporarily, and your uncle, who is helping re hang the wire, removes the coat hanger and says:
"Best put this back in the MG"
...and he's right, then you may just be.
-William (true story, at that!)

Mark Beiser
09-15-2003, 02:58 AM
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by SilentUnicorn:

That could be tuff. Me thinks i would use a handy roll of duct tape and a maglite, might make it easier to steer and shift.
But lets hear the story !! Please


When your driving about 60 mph on old "highway"89a between Jerome and Clarkdale, AZ, and all forward facing lighting on your MGB goes out, you don't have time for duct tape. You need light on the road RIGHT NOW! images/icons/shocked.gif

Highway 89a between Jerome and Clarkdale drops over 1000 feet in about 3 miles. It sports an abundance of twists and turns with a sheer dropoff on one side and a solid wall of rock on the other side. Much of it with no guard rails at the time.

My '68 MGB had a lot of Loose Unsoldered Connections And Splices working against it. Fairly regularly every light in the car would just cut out. Pulling over and whacking on the fuse box, and wiring harness around the fuse box, would bring the lights back on again. With a full synchro gearbox, I could hold the flashlight so I could see and hold the steering wheel briefly with my knee while I shifted. At least untill I could find a place to pull over. images/icons/wink.gif

09-17-2003, 03:07 AM
...If you can tell by the smell exactly what fluid, or guage of wire is burning, and how far you can get before you need to replace something...

Oh, and that's the exact reason I carry a small plastic bodied high power flashlight with me at all times, plastic bodied so I can hold it in my mouth without rattling my teeth.

[ 09-16-2003: Message edited by: youngsmith ]</p>

10-15-2003, 12:10 PM
A revival of a wonderful old topic...I love it!

- if the first choices on your baby name list were: Morris, Austin, Morgan, and Sunbeam (ok, if the last, you may be a hippy too)...

- if you can place your hand on the ground while seated upright in the driver's seat of your car...

- if when you take your hand off the ground, it is covered in oil...

- if the term "elegant in its simplicity" applies better to you than your car's electrical system.

- if you've ever considered making a pilgrimage to Tony Barnhill's place to lay a wreath in the MG graveyard...

10-15-2003, 01:08 PM
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by lawguy:
- if the first choices on your baby name list were: Morris, Austin, Morgan, and Sunbeam (ok, if the last, you may be a hippy too)...

We are expecting again and if its a girl and working on my wife for Elise as a name or at least a middle name. Any other good Brit car ones?

10-15-2003, 06:14 PM
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by 78Z:

We are expecting again and if its a girl and working on my wife for Elise as a name or at least a middle name. Any other good Brit car ones?<hr></blockquote>

How about Lola?


10-15-2003, 08:09 PM
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by PC:

How about Lola?


Hey, and a theme song too.

Wait a minute....as the father of two daughtes (6 weeks and 4 years), Lola may not be the best.

Andy Blackley
10-15-2003, 10:33 PM
If your favorite MS font type is Gill Sans MT, the closest used to that in most LBC factory manuals and handbooks.

10-15-2003, 10:46 PM
Ooooh, useful info, thanks Andy!!

If you won't buy a car with automatic transmission in case you need to bump-start it.....

If your definition of a luxury car is one that has a working heater........

10-15-2003, 11:26 PM
If you 've ever tried to convince anyone the "back seat" in a BGT is useful, you're not a British car owner, you're a nut.

If you know (and CARE) what Whitworth is.

If a mechanic with a Phillips screwdriver instead of the "proper" one gives you the willies.

If you KNOW what the "proper" one is.

If you consider a leather strap to be a perfectly suitable and downright sporty hood latch.

If you've ever seriously considered removing your windscreen and replacing it with a 4-inch high piece of plexiglass called a "brooklands" screen.

If you know what a "Brooklands screen" is, and (extra points) what it's referring to.

If you CAN remove your windscreen, frame and all.

If you call it a "windscreen".

tony barnhill
10-16-2003, 03:16 AM
Elise is a sweet name but you're gonna have to start saving your pennies so that when she's 16 you can give her one as a Sweet 16 present...."There goes Elise in her Elise!"
....oh, when she's old enough, get her a cat or dog & name it 'LOTUS'!

Mark Jones
10-17-2003, 02:37 PM
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Baxter:
If a mechanic with a Phillips screwdriver instead of the "proper" one gives you the willies.

If you KNOW what the "proper" one is.<hr></blockquote>

Not many things irritate but seeing someone use a phillips screwdrive to remove a posidrive screw does.

And the backseat in the GT is my dog's seat and she loves it because she can laydown and still see where we are going.

10-20-2003, 07:49 PM
My lab used to love perching there when I had a BGT in the UK.......dogs seem to seek out the best spots don't they?