PDA

View Full Version : Too Much Life Lately...



judow
04-11-2016, 08:11 PM
Hi to you all. Sometimes life gets so busy that we forget to take the time and just do simple things that have no purpose but entertainment. Husband, Doug, and I have had many changes since the first of the year. His mom passed on January 8th. It was a peaceful transition and while we expected the inevitable, I'm not sure we were really ready. Adele was 92 and would have been 93 in May. She was a vibrant very savy lady who while she didn't use the computer or social media had full awareness of on-line banking and Facebook. When she did something that she felt was out of the ordinary she would say: "I hope you're not going to put that on FB." Anyway we all handle grief differently and for us it was reclaiming the little house. I can't call it the guesthouse as that just sounds too pretentious. When we built our home we actually built two houses and joined them with a hallway and three car garage as we knew his mom and dad would leave Florida and come to live with us. They did and they were with us for 15 years of the 20 years in our home. Life is very different now. Doug's dad passed 8 years ago and that impacted us but not like the passing of his mom. It's the little things that are startling in their absence. No more smell of the cabbage cooking for soup, no more smell of morning coffee, no more make extra to bring over next door, etc. I think you all get it. Anyway we have spent our time tiling the kitchen and the two bathrooms in the little house, adding a new stove which was on the agenda and replacing all the carpeting, another project that was scheduled for this year. The carpeting needed to be replaced as 20 years is about tops I would say. All is completed now and some of the furniture has been changed and it is now starting to look and feel like the way it was when we first built. There are times when I almost feel guilty and have questioned if perhaps I wasn't erasing Doug's mom and dad. I hope not.

I guess you all are probably wondering why I am publicly speaking privately. Perhaps it is just my need to continue to make a new normal. It used to be I had Tuesday and Thursday and Sunday as open days as the other days were filled with marketing, medical appointments, church and one day for fun. Both Adele and her husband, Chester, loved the casino and going out to dinner or breakfast. Both Doug and I are continuing to take care of the necessary issues that are involved when someone dies. We also are catching up on the maintenance issues that have been neglected. Mostly I think we both know that when this 'running time' is completed life will return to it being just Doug and Judy. We will now be able to take those trips that we couldn't because leaving his parents was not an option even though they were able to function on their own with the exception of driving. Our not being home was not in their comfort zone. I guess life has a way of doing a 360 and that is the way it supposed to be.

Getting back on the forum is part of my taking back some normal. I enjoy the "Pub" and all of you who post. Some items are things I know nothing about but can learn. I've never mastered the art of the pun but I am trying. So thanks folks. I am back and happy to be here.

Now all hold hands and sing.... No I'm just kidding. You don't need to hold hands but do take the time to be thankful for the folks in our life even if we never meet in person. Amazing what this social media can do for a person.

Mickey Richaud
04-11-2016, 08:43 PM
Judy -

Been there - got the battle scars! Our parents have been gone a while. Everyone's method of dealing with loss is different, and I wouldn't dare simply to say that "This too shall pass", or "It'll get better". Sounds like you and Doug have a handle on things, and that you know what's ahead.

Janet and I are still in transition due to retirement over a year ago and moving to a new location farther away from the kids and grandkids, building a home, a bit of a health setback, etc., etc. We're pursuing our hobbies and interests, going on a couple of extended trips this year, and will be spending more time with the kids, so will be keeping very busy - probably more so than we've been in a long time.

And this forum has been great for me. I don't do Facebook, but this place suits me fine!

Best,
Mickey

Steve
04-11-2016, 08:53 PM
Yes, funny how life tends to get in the way of things, isn't it? I know that I'm not alone in being happy that you're still a part of the BCF community. I've been following your updates to the Little House on FB for some time now (no I'm not a stalker, really :angel2: ) and it's been interesting. I'm on Facebook as well, of course, mainly so that I can keep in touch with friends and former colleagues on the other side of the pond, for which it has proved invaluable.

NutmegCT
04-12-2016, 07:32 AM
One thing I learned early about "retirement": retire *into* something, not just *out* of something.

Traveling, buying things, house remodeling, new toys, etc. are fun. But it's the *sharing* of life with others that counts - and not just "online".

Find local groups that need volunteers, make some new friends, take folks on rides in our classic cars, even get young folk to help work on them.

I want people to remember doing things with me - not just reading my posts.

Tom M.

Some friends, harvesting roots last fall:

https://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd23/freemangarden/Harvest%20Weekend%202015/Freeman%20snow%2018%20Oct%202015.jpg

Basil
04-12-2016, 10:41 AM
"Life is what happens while your busy making other plans" -- John Lennon

We have a few life curve balls lately too, but I agree with Tom about finding other things to do. For me, it's NAMI and of course this forum.

Bayless
04-12-2016, 12:27 PM
When my mother died several years ago, a wise friend counseled me, "No matter how old you get, you're never quite prepared to become an orphan." There's a lot of truth in that.