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Peeing On My Flowers!

Mickey Richaud

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A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her
One of the bags was ripped and every once in awhile a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, Officer."

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!’ "

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."
 

PAUL161

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:highly_amused: You gotta watch those little ole ladies! They aren't as dumb as you might think! LOL! PJ
 

JPSmit

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[FONT=&quot]An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Older Woman: Oh, I see.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Officer: Can I see your license please?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Officer: Don't have one?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Officer: I see....Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Older Woman: I can't do that.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Officer: Why not?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Older Woman: I stole this car.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Officer: Stole it?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Officer: You what?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the! car, clasping his half drawn gun.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Older woman: Is there a problem sir?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Older Woman: Murdered the owner?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Moral: Don't mess with little old ladies![/FONT]
 
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