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View Full Version : Instructions for the terminally stupid



Basil
05-30-2003, 04:18 PM
In case you need proof that the human race is in series trouble because product manufacturers think we're stupid, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.


On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)


On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)


On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."


On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."


On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."


On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."


On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)


On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)


On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)


On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)


On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (this is series)


On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)


On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (given some of todayís parentís . . . probably a good warning)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...Huh?)

Thatís it! But letís conclude this post with a list a things that make you go Hmmmmmmm . . .

...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?


...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?


...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?


...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?


...why doctors call what they do "practice"?


...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?


...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?


...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?


...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?


...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?


...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?


...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?


...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?


...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?


...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?


...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?


...Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?

(Not sure the origin on all of these, but I recognize many from Gallager (sp) )

[ 05-30-2003: Message edited by: Basil ]</p>

John Turney
06-01-2003, 11:54 PM
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Basil:
...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

[ 05-30-2003: Message edited by: Basil ]<hr></blockquote>

Yes.

John, BN4

Mark Noeltner
06-02-2003, 02:57 PM
graemlins/lol.gif


<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Basil:
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

<hr></blockquote>

Hmmm.... Underwater?? Maybe they don't want the Navy guys decorating their subs?

Or maybe Space.....The guys stuck up on the International Space Station might have been thinking about decorating for Christmas!

graemlins/devilgrin.gif

William
06-03-2003, 03:08 AM
I still say nothing beats "Rinse, wash, repeat". Somewhere out there is a person who has been washing their hair for thirty-seven years.
-Wm. graemlins/jester.gif