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Webb Sledge
03-25-2003, 06:06 PM
HOW TO KEEP THE OFFICE INTERESTING

Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're
waiting for your document.

Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for
lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the
meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.

Insist that your e-mail address be
"zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com"

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries
with that.

Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about
the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a
co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're
all present.

Come to work in your pajamas.

Put a picture of your mother on your business card.

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always
wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if
your boss is a different gender than you are.)

Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these
names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry I'm going to have to
disagree with you there, Chachi."

Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page for all
reports that you write. (If you don't have children, draw stick figures
yourself.)

Schedule meetings for 4:14 PM.

Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald's
Playland. Charge everyone $15 each.

Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing.
For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."

Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair. Talk into
your daytimer.

Organize a carpool. Go to pick everyone up in a taxi.

Hang mistletoe over your desk.

Include a personal note on every email you send. "On a personal note,
I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm
pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last
night."

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."

Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.

Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge.
Try to pass them off as your children.

Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.