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MattP
08-20-2002, 05:41 PM
These came in over an email list I was on.

The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

Lucas denies having invented darkness. But, they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"

Lucas -- inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas -- inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three position lucas switch -- Dim, Flicker and Off. Or alternately, smoke, smolder, and ignite.

The original anti-theft devices -- Lucas Electric products.

"I've had a lucas pacemaker for years, and I have never had a prob..."

If Lucas made guns; wars wouldn't start either.

Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

It's not true that Lucas in 1947, tried to get Parliment to repeal Ohm's Law. The withdrew thier efforts when they met too much resistance.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into the Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night since they all look alike? He replied, "It doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens."

Back in the '70's Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began making vacuum cleaners. It was only product that didn't suck.

Quality Assurance phoned and advised the engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

Why do the English drink warm beer? Because Lucas made the refrigerators, as well.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Recomended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness, protect your unworthy servant."

Lucas systems actually use AC current; it just has a random frequency.

MattP